Choosing secondary schools - the start of the journey

So Monkey is now in Year 5 (and Missy in Year 4) and we started the job of visiting secondary school open evenings in the area. Some people have expressed surprise at this but I am not alone.

The window of opportunity is narrow - applications open in September as the open evenings start, then close at the end of October. We've only just been to the last open evening although there are some next week. Had we been starting in Year 6, that would give us two weeks to make a final decision. If you want to arrange revisits, half term is last week of October so you only have a week to go back. A friend of mine is in this position - they only looked at a couple last year and is feeling the pressure a bit this year, no firm decision made and hurriedly trying to look at all the options and come to a conclusion.

Perhaps if you live in a town with only one choice of school, there might be no need to rush and you can do it all in Year 6. What I can't get over is the fact that although a school can look great from the outside, visiting it can be a completely different proposition and what if you don't like it when you do finally look? I know from when we looked at primary schools, the school I thought I'd love, I didn't. And one I thought I wouldn't, I loved. And that's what we chose. Our instincts proved right.

Where we live, there's an embarrassment of choice. In the district, we have 6 secondaries, all rated good or outstanding by Ofsted (I'll come back to Ofsted later). One is too far away, and two are faith schools, with one offering no chance of a place unless we had been regularly attending church since LAST year - yes, at the start of Year 4 - and could prove it. In the neighbouring town, there are 4 more, one outstanding, the rest good or heading that way. Three other neighbouring smaller areas have a school each and there are four others I could consider if I felt I needed to but are probably too far away. Oh my - that's seventeen! That's even before, as some are considering, private schools (which are not for us), or schools further afield - like a private school that became a free school last September.

Obviously, we have to consider if we have a chance of getting places, which is why the field is much narrower than all seventeen. There are so many faith schools here - I can rule out five immediately on that basis because we wouldn't meet the criteria and three more where we would have a chance but may not want to. Take away the ones we think are too far and we got down to five - two in the local town, two in the next and one other, all less a 5 mile journey from home.

The difficulty compared to primary is that dammit, the child has an opinion this time! The worry is that they will just try to choose the one that their friends go to. I understand that, I really do, but I know from talking to parents of older children, that although they don't realise this, they will probably have a totally different set of friends at 16 as they will at 11.

So, off we trekked to five open evenings. I've tried to keep Monkey on track and asked him to think about what he wants a school to be what the school would be like on a normal day, not when they are offering food in nearly every room. We went to one school where he ate sweets (lots), paella, shortbread, three different types of cheese, bockwurst, pain au chocolat (apparently seven bits, just to be sure), pretzel, stollen (two bits), croissant, orange squash, shortbread and lasagne. After tea!

I've tried to go with an open mind and have got better at planning our trips after our first when we unexpectedly arrived late due to traffic forcing a detour, listened to the speeches then only had about an hour to see round a large school (impossible, don't try it - allow at least 2-3 hours to see everything, especially if you want to hear the speeches). I'm very much into the "feel" of a place. This article, by a teacher, confirms I'm right to consider that. It's also why I don't just look at the schools at the top of the league tables or rated outstanding. Why? Although results tables are a guide, basing our choice next year solely on the results that will be published soon from summer 2014 doesn't seem right when Monkey will not be taking GCSEs until the summer of 2021, some seven years later. Schools can change a lot, for good or bad, in that time. And Ofsted? Well, I have my own views but it's hard to compare apples with apples when some were inspected recently and others not inspected for five years - again, a lot can happen in that time. It is just a snapshot of what the inspectors found on those two days. They are a guide but I won't let it put me off until I've seen it with my own eyes.

Getting a general feel for a place can be hard to do when there's a lot of people there at open evenings (and trust me, there can be LOADS; one was so popular, it created traffic jams) but we've been talking to the teachers, pupils and observing how the two appear to get on. We've also caught up with a few former pupils from the children's primary school when we've seen them to see how they're enjoying it.

The first school we went to see is our favourite. And you know what? We went to see an "outstanding" school last that I thought I'd like and I didn't like it that much, just like last time. Nor did the husband and neither did Missy, who has come to all but one. However, Monkey decided, having agreed with us, that the last might be his favourite after all! I think it was because there were an awful lot of people visiting who he knew. A lot of his friends are likely to choose there because of where they live. It's our nearest school but we are outside the priority area (for which read catchment) so our chances aren't as good.

We are planning a trip back to the first school (which we saw a month ago) to remind him what it was like, see it in the daytime and see the parts we missed on open evening. I'm certainly glad we are not doing this next year. Our second favourite looks like being a currently unfashionable school but was lovely, friendly and welcoming to visit. Monkey has also been there in the daytime on a school trip. We only went to the open evening because of this and were pleasantly surprised.

I think I'm coming to two conclusions - the first is to go to see schools, even if on paper they don't seem like the best choice and the second is to start at least a year early. If you're not happy after open evening season, you have time to cast the net wider before crunch time. Most schools are happy to show you around on a normal day. I'd ask why not if they don't.

And I've just thought of a third conclusion - you can definitely get open evening fatigue! I'm very glad they're all over but I least I have an idea of what's coming next year. I was going to say "know" but a lot can happen in that time.

PS If you are looking at grammar schools, you might want to start even earlier; some schools have open days in the summer term because of the need to take tests etc. At least check the school's website (and the local authority) for details so you don't miss out.

My son, the future husband

The children are at an age now where I begin to wonder what sort of adults they'll turn into. Not just what they will do for a living, what they will be like as people. As much as they are learning at school, they are learning values from my husband and myself, our wider family, their friends and their families and so on. I hope I am raising children that will turn into adults whose company will be enjoyed, who will be good friends, and make great life partners.

Something tells me that Monkey is going to be quite a catch and not just because he's a gorgeous boy. (And still blonde at 8, that can't last!).

The other evening, we were travelling home from the gym, and we had the local commercial radio station on in the car. On came an advertisement for FHM's 100 Sexiest Women to which I growled and tutted. Monkey was sat next to me in the front of the car and he asked me what was wrong. I told him the advert annoyed me and so he asked me why.

So, I said to him, "OK then, what is more important - how someone looks, or what sort of person they are?"

Without a second's hesitation, he replied, "What sort of person they are."

I think we're doing a decent job at this parenting lark.

I'll take bids if anyone wants to sign him up as a future husband for their daughters... he's not bothered about girls at the moment, it will definitely have to be for later.

What would you do with the free time if you didn't have to be a taxi to your kids? Tell me and you could win a £25 Sainsbury's voucher

Photo credit - DJ_maxim

This competition was created by Sainsbury’s Bank Car Insurance and I'm taking part as a member of the
Sainsbury's Bank Parent Blogger Network.

Sainsbury's recently introduced the ‘Taxi of Mum and Dad Calculator’ — a fun way to see how much you could earn in taxi fares, if your children were ‘on the clock.’

It’s not all about money, your time is also precious. How would you spend the hours if you weren't playing taxi? Finish a good book, getting outdoors or just doing nothing, are some of the little luxuries the Money Matters team would enjoy.

To find out how parents would rather spend their time, I'm offering a £25 Sainsbury’s Voucher as a prize. All I need to know is 'What would you do with your time saved?'

To enter and win the prize of a £25 Sainsbury's voucher, you simply have to leave a comment below telling me what you would do with the time saved not being the Taxi of Mum and Dad.You can increase your chances of winning by tweeting about the giveaway and referring a friend to enter.The more times you enter, the better your chance of winning the £25 Sainsbury's voucher.

Whether or not you’re our prize winner, your affordable family activity ideas could also potentially appear in a future Money Matters Blog post. The winners will be chosen via Rafflecopter (which uses random.org) and announced on this page. The deadline for entering the giveaway is Wednesday 1st May.

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The tortoise and the hare

Parenting can be a funny thing sometimes. So much can be attributed to upbringing and genes but it's easy to forget that children are out there developing their own personalities.

Take this week, and that termly ordeal of Parents Evening at school. I'm not going to bore you with a report of their achievements but suffice to say, they're doing well, work hard and the teachers love them. What was revealing was where each teacher identifies areas for improvement. And therein lay the difference.

Monkey can be a bit slapdash. He throws himself with abandon into tasks - sometimes a little too much abandon. He's apt to rush a bit and have a little bit TOO much confidence. His teacher noted he needs to take a bit more time to think, and plan. Unsurprisingly, his weakness is his writing but he's strong on maths - writing takes time and effort, whereas maths can be done in shorter bursts.

And Missy Woo, she has the opposite problem. We know her writing and reading is good, but she's apt to be slow at times. So slow in fact, that the teacher says she produces much less than her peers. Some of this is a lack of confidence. However, she's a bit of a day dreamer, something that we notice regularly at home - just how long can one child take to change into ballet costume?! I think also she doesn't like to be put under pressure - she looks at a blank page and her brain freezes yet can be full of ideas. So her aim is going to be to work faster and smarter and feel more confident.

Husband summarised it thus - "Basically, if we could combine the two of them, we'd have the perfect pupil". And he's right. Two siblings, just over a year apart in age. Similar abilities. Two totally different approaches at opposite ends of the scale. It's that old cliché - the tortoise and the hare. But that's OK because having two hares would be exhausting, and two tortoises frustrating. They balance each other out - he livens her up, she tempers his explosive nature.

And one thing is for sure - watching them grow and develop their own personalities is utterly fascinating (and delightful), even if parenting totally opposite personalities can be very challenging.

My MAD Weekend part 2 - getting Set4Sport with Judy Murray

Judy explaining Set4Sport to the parents

After a fab night on Friday at the MAD Blog Awards, I woke up on Saturday morning early with a dry mouth but thankfully, no hangover. (And no hiccups - I'd had hiccups for about an hour before I went to bed, but thankfully sleep cured them!)

After a shower and a breakfast, I said goodbye to everyone and left the hotel for London Zoo. Not your average venue to turn up at with a trolley case, but I had a purpose. I'd been invited to an event where Judy Murray, mother of Andy, was to demonstrate her ideas for getting kids active and practising the skills they need to be good at sport.

When I was first invited to this event, I knew I couldn't say no. I was in London anyway, so why not? I had time before my train to get there. I am a huge fan of Andy Murray as well. The only problem was that the children weren't able to come with me as they were still 200+ miles away at home.

On arrival at the venue, the Mappin Pavilion in the middle of the zoo, I went straight to find a place to put my case and coat. Who should be a few feet away but Judy herself. Within seconds, we were shaking hands and chatting. We actually got talking about Myleene Klass and how lovely she was. Then I told her that I had lived every moment of the US Open final that Andy had won just a couple of weeks before, and she told me that she got really worried when it went back to 2 sets all as she was worried he was going to lose. I can sympathise with that - you always want your child to do as well as they can in such situations and you want to protect them at the same time. Judy was really lovely and friendly - I felt she was as genuine and lovely as Myleene had been.

After a brief introduction, everyone started to try out the games that had been set out at stations around the room. This is when it became slightly odd for me as I had no children to watch, or play with so I just watched from the sidelines and generally felt a bit of a spare part. I don't have too many photos of the event because I didn't want to take pictures of other people's children but I did get one when the children were busy eating food.

The premise of Set4Sport is that when Judy's boys were young, she developed games to play with them and without realising, helped to develop their coordination skills. This was even before she trained to be a tennis coach - Judy is from a sporty family so it was just natural to her to play games with them.

The games in the programme help to develop what she calls ABCs - agility, balance and coordination, which are critical to all physical activities, as well as passing and catching for ball sports. Developing the skills at an early age gets children set for sport but also helps confidence and self-esteem, as well as learn how to set goals and challenge themselves. Everything is designed so that most of the equipment you need, you probably already own. Everything can be learned without going to gyms, clubs or without a trainer and so are very low cost activities.

Watching the children play the games set out reminded me of when my children used to go to a club called Storybook Sport which is very small and very local to us. Monkey was one of the first children to take part in classes and Missy Woo joined in, even though she was only two when she started. They only stopped going when they got too old. During the sessions, the group leader Scott would tell them a story and the children would be part of the story using standard sports equipment to do various activities involving running, jumping, hopping, throwing and catching. They loved every minute of it, and it definitely helped them as it was noted that they both had good coordination when they started school. I even managed to tell Judy about it during the latter part of the session when she came to ask me if I had any questions about the programme. I think Scott was amazed when I told him on Twitter a few days later that I'd told her about it!

After everyone had had fun trying all the games, they demonstrated how you could set up a tennis court at home using canes for the lines and tying some string or rope between two chairs for a net. All very simple, all very low cost. Even in a tiny room, children can learn how to control a ball with their racket. That is how two   Grand Slam winners (Jamie won the mixed doubles at Wimbledon, remember?) started out, so there has to be something in it.

I had to make a quick exit with my trolley case as lunch came to an end. Sadly, I didn't have time to explore the zoo like everyone else did, I had a train to catch from Euston. As I left and said goodbye to everyone, Judy said I looked like I'd just been sacked by Lord Sugar! I certainly did look slightly out of place walking through the zoo trying to find the exit trailing a case behind me, but I can report I didn't get into the back of a taxi to be filmed. It was definitely an amazing weekend - meeting two celebrities who more than lived up to their billing. The only disappointment was that the children were not there. They would have loved playing the games and the zoo, but it was not to be, plus they were back home having fun without me.

If you want to learn more about the Set4Sport programme, visit their website or you can download a free Set4Sport app from the App Store (for iOS devices) or Google Play store (for Android).

Parenting - not for the faint-hearted

The other day, I noticed a tweet from another blogger who said that her daughter thought she was evil, because she had said no to ice-cream. I replied to her that my kids think I'm evil daily but such is life. She replied that it's hard not being liked but that it must be part of being a parent. 

And it's true. You can't be your children's friend all the time. You love each other, but there are a lot of times when you just don't like each other very much. The old phrase "tough love" rears its ugly head. 

Little did I know that this would come back to haunt me so quickly. That afternoon, I went to collect the children from school and Monkey was being challenging to say the least. The current focus is my old laptop - it hasn't been working for months, but I've recently had it repaired and have cleaned it of my work data, so now it's designated for them to play on and both children are beyond excited. Both had spent a considerable amount of time on it since, but I had said the night before that we were going to get reading out of the way first before any screen time, and Monkey had said OK to that. 

On the way back to the car, Monkey was already asking if he could play on the laptop. I reminded him of the deal and he threw a tantrum, claiming he didn't remember the deal we had made. His tantrums are very vocal and he starts blaming everyone (except himself) and everything for the injustice in the world. This one was so bad, I stopped the car after pulling away because he was making me angry. He went on so much, I decided I had to act. "OK then, there will be no laptop at all for you this evening. I am not standing for behaviour like this."

This was not received well. We had tears, recriminations, screaming, kicking of legs for the duration of the 5 minute journey, clearly because he thought he could change my mind and I would relent. I stood my ground. 

We got home and one of the neighbour's children appeared as we got out of the car. I explained to him that Monkey couldn't play with him. Monkey went mad. Shouting, screaming, kicking, crying, you name it, he did it. I tried to calm him but he was pushing all my buttons and winding me up (plus, it's not fair on Missy Woo, she loses attention and it's not her fault; she is much less antagonistic although liable to whines and sulks.)

Eventually, I cracked. I told him he was not staying up to watch any football, sent him to go and get his pyjamas on, he would then do his reading and have some tea, then go straight to bed. This was met with even more recriminations but I stood strong. He came downstairs to read and obviously thought he was on safe ground as tea was not made. Wrong. I made him toast. He ate it sobbing. He kept saying sorry, but it was obviously done in such a way that he hoped I would go back on my word. He read his book, had a drink and I sent him upstairs. 

By the time he did get to bed, I felt like the worst mother in the world. Obviously, it was still quite early and there was no way he was going to sleep so he sat in his bed, shouting screaming and crying. He demanded to see Daddy when he got home, but then proceeded to blame his behaviour on him for getting the children up early which meant he was tired. Husband left him to it. More shouting and crying. 

Several times over, he found reasons to come out of his room but he got sent back. He demanded to see husband once again but he didn't really have anything to say. Eventually, I had to go upstairs to the spare room and Missy Woo was getting ready for bed too. He opened his door for something and so I asked him to do a couple of jobs, then I put him back into bed. Much calmer now, he said sorry and started to cry again. Hugging him, I asked him what was the matter.

His reply said it all. He told me, "I'm crying because I'm cross with myself for getting sent to bed and now I've missed the football." 

I may not be the perfect parent and yes, my children think I am evil daily. I say no to them. But that means they know what the boundaries are and they know the consequences if they cross them and that they can't have everything whenever they want it. It's hard not being liked, being blamed for the faults of others, having the product of nine months' incubation that you love dearly telling you that they hate you, but the end result is worth it. 

There will be parents out there who read this post that will think I could have done it the nice way, but the only result Monkey would have been happy with would have been to play on that laptop - and that would have meant giving in and rewarding what was pretty awful behaviour.  Much as it was hard, I couldn't do that because that was the best way to guarantee a rapid re-occurrence. My reaction might have been extreme, but I felt it was proportionate to the behaviour. Since this incident, he has been really well-behaved and much less argumentative about things that are regularly flashpoints with him. I think the penny has finally dropped. 

Parenting isn't about being their friend all the time. It's being the critical friend, who has their best interests at heart. It's hard. It's relentless and it's not for the faint-hearted. But if you think you are right, it's worth standing your ground. 

Why??

Photo credit - immrchris

In order to ease myself back into blogging (if you don't use it, you lose it and I seem to have lost a few blogging muscles recently!), I have got myself tagged in a meme to make me get my finger out and write. It doesn't really help that I have quite a bit of work on at present and my head is full of other people's words as one of my assignments is typing up a manuscript over 25,000 words long.

Anyway, I was tagged by Very Bored in Catalunya to take part in this one, originating from the good ladies at Mummy Central. The idea is to turn the tables on your children, who constantly ask why (and God knows, my two do) and have your own vent.

Here goes.

Why do you wake up so early the morning after we've let you stay up late?

Why do I send you to find something, only for you to come back and say you can't find it, yet I find it straight away when I go to look?

Why do you squirrel things away in your school bag in the hope I won't notice when I can tell just from picking it up what it's got in it?

Why do you want a toy every time you enter any retail establishment, whine or stamp your feet if I say no, but if I say yes, you play with it for an hour then never touch it again?

Why can I not go to bed and sleep earlier in the night so I can get a decent night's sleep and get up at a reasonable time?

Why do you not want to hug me until I want to sit down and get on my laptop, then you insist on sitting right up close to me and lean over my shoulder?

Why, when you go out to play, do you come in and go back out again several times an hour until it's time for tea, or bath, or bed?

Why do you only want food when you don't have anyone to play with?

Why are you complete angels at school and the teachers not recognise the children I describe when I tell them what you are like at home? Why can't you be angels for me?

Why can't you learn to shut doors, turn lights off, wash hands, flush toilets and tidy rooms without me having to remind you every two minutes?

Why do I have to start every day you're at school by clearing up the mess you have made in the living room?

Why are you last out of school on the days we have to be somewhere by 4, but first out if we have nowhere to go?

Why do you spend all day complaining that Daddy is not here but once he's home, only want me?

That's better. I feel cleansed.

Do you want a go? I'm tagging a few people but *hangs head in shame* I've not quite reached the requisite 5 so I might get told off! Here are the guidelines:

1. Post your whys – as few or as many as you like.
2. Link up your post below, and it would be great if you could leave a comment too.
3. Tag 5 bloggers to keep this going.
4. If you’re not a blogger, leave your whys as a comment below. We’d love to read them.
5. Show your support by reading a few others and commenting on them.

So, my taggees are:

Sally from Who's the Mummy?

Sonia from This Mummy Loves

Rachel from Mummyglitzer

Dave from The Big Div

And if you want to be a fifth, just tag yourself. What are you waiting for?

The issue of weight and female athletes - no wonder our female athletes struggle

Photo credit - peter_w

In the last week, I've read two stories about female athletes that have disturbed me greatly. The first was about Hollie Avil, the triathlete who has retired from her sport after beating an eating disorder which was triggered after a coach told her she would get faster if she watched her weight. She lost lots of weight to the point that it was dangerous and although she did run faster, her swimming times suffered. She has been so brave in telling her story - even though there is no shame in having an eating disorder, there is still a stigma attached to it - but I'm left wondering what sort of person says that to an elite athlete in the near peak of condition, and with what justification.

Then, and thankfully almost on the flip side to that, I heard that heptathlete Jessica Ennis's coach Toni Minichello has spoken out after an (unnamed) high ranking official from UK Athletics told him that "she's got too much weight." In other words, she's fat.

Thankfully, Jess is of strong mind and has a great relationship with her coach, who supports her all the way. She has more important things on her mind right now - a small matter of trying to win an Olympic gold medal in a matter of weeks - than whether she needs to lose weight. I suspect at this stage of the summer, most track and field athletes are in peak condition. She hasn't taken it personally, and her answer was to break the British record held for 12 years by Denise Lewis at an event in Austria over the weekend.

Hollie Avil's story reflects with this. It shows how easily a comment like that can destroy someone's self-esteem and can wreck their sporting career, with a wider impact on their emotional well-being and daily life. Jess has had a difficult year, losing her world title in South Korea last September with a below par performance in some of the disciplines. Heptathlon requires many skills and not all of them speed related - sprinting requires power and speed, hurdles and high jump require good technique, shot put and javelin a reasonable amount of strength, and 800m endurance. And there are no prizes for being the skinniest heptathlete in the competition, only the best ones.

 I can't add any of the photos on the internet of Jess, but just Google her and look at the recent pictures of her. Does she look fat to you? She has abs most men would kill to have and it's obvious that she is both slim and strong.

Are we setting female athletes up to fail here? Are we confusing fitness with thinness? What sort of a message does this send out to our children? Hollie Avil's story already proves that losing weight doesn't necessarily guarantee success. I don't know what the answer is but coaches really shouldn't be allowed to make throwaway remarks like that without some form of proof that it is negatively impacting the athlete's performance. Not all weight is bad weight anyway - if it's mostly muscle, then it could be a hugely positive thing and as we've seen, swimmers need a certain amount of fat to stay buoyant.

What bothers me most is that no-one would dream of commenting on the weight of a male athlete and yet, apparently females are fair game. I've linked to The Guardian as they are at least a responsible newspaper but others (*cough* Daily Mail *cough*) think nothing of printing stories featuring female celebrities, commenting on whether they look fat or not, so they can hardly take the moral ground here.

It saddens me that we're so quick to judge a woman by her perceived weight (which is actually her size as we don't, thankfully, walk around with our weight in a blue neon sign above our head). It saddens me even more than my children are growing in a society where women appear to be judged primarily by their appearance and not what they have achieved. It saddens me that Missy Woo will have to work harder on this front than her brother and I pray that I can instill the sort of confidence in her that Jess Ennis has and that stupid remarks like both she and Hollie Avil have been subjected to don't have a negative effect on her.

But that's probably too much to ask.

I'll now be wondering when I'm watching the British female athletes competing in the Olympics this summer just how many of them have been subjected to the same sort of thing. It stands to reason that if top athletes have been, then those further down the tree will also have had similar experiences. How many medal performances will this taint? How many medals will this cost us?

And, more importantly, how many lives will have been changed for the worse?

Diminutive?

Photo credit - dimitri_c

This post might sound like I'm talking in riddles because I want to discuss Monkey and Missy Woo's names. Which are not, let me tell you, really Monkey and Missy Woo; apparently someone reading my blog the other week really thought they were their real names. Hey ho.

We chose fairly traditional names for them when they were born. Once we had chosen Monkey's name, we couldn't really chose something terribly exotic for Missy Woo, even though she has an exotic middle name. I just didn't think it would sound right saying something like "Yes, this is Robert and this is Pixie." (Note - also, not their real names!).

I always imagined that I would shorten their names once they were born. After all, I am not really a Kate (shock, horror). I was born a Katherine but always known as Katy by my family until I decided I was going to be Kate around the age of 11. In contrast, my younger sister has never been known by anything other than her full name, apart from when she had a kind of nickname I used when I couldn't say it as a toddler.

Since the children arrived, I have never used diminutives for their names. If I don't use their full names, it's their nicknames.... which are actually Monkey and Missy Woo. More to the point, I don't like the thought of using shortened versions of their names. This is particularly true of Missy Woo. Her name is a bit of a mouthful but her name is the feminine version of a male name and the short version just makes her sound like a boy. Which she most definitely not - she's very girly. It just doesn't sound right. I thought I wouldn't mind about others shortening her name, but if I hear someone using it, it's the verbal equivalent of running fingernails down blackboards to. I wince. I don't say anything as I don't like to correct people, partly because although we gave Missy Woo that name, it's now hers to do with it what she likes. I don't have to like it necessarily.

A couple of years ago, her eldest cousin (who is in his 30s now) told me that he called her by the short version and she told him in no uncertain terms what her name was. Things have changed since then - she's started school and it doesn't help that the only other girl in the school with the same name as her uses the shortened version, which kind of sets an expectation that she will be the same.

I thought about suggesting other alternatives to her when she wants to write the shortened version of her name, but would that just confuse her? Probably not - she told me a little while ago that she'd like to be called Rosie (not even close), for reasons I have yet to work out. Going on the basis that the grass is always greener, I laughed it off. I seem to remember I told my Dad once that I wanted to be called by a different name. Now that I'm a parent, and knowing that it was he that specifically chose my name, I understand how that can feel like a metaphorical slap in the face from the child whose name you took so much care over choosing, and agonising over how to define them.

For now, I think I'll just carry on in my own way. I don't know why, but the names we chose for them just feel right so I shall go on using them in full. I shall continue to wince, but bite my tongue, if someone uses diminutives for them in my presence. And in time, they will come to know how they want their name to define them and choose how they want to be addressed by those around them.

And that's when I'll turn into the mother that uses their Sunday names.

Do you shorten your children's names? Do you mind it when others do or are you protective of using the correct names for them? Or have you never used your child's full name and used a diminutive instead? Or did you choose a name for your child, and then regret it? Do leave a comment and let me know. 

So what can you do if you don't get the primary school you wanted?

Photo credit - msegura

All throughout April, parents of children who are due to start school in the next academic year have been nervously waiting to find out which school has a place for their child. By the end of this week, I think pretty much everyone in England should know their fate.

Whatever you read, the majority of parents do get a place for their child at their first choice school. It varies a lot according to the local situation but most areas have sufficient places.

But what if you don't? Although it didn't happen to me, I can imagine it's pretty gut-wrenching and upsetting to find that you haven't got the school you wanted. It can feel like the end of the world, probably made even worse by others getting what they want.

It isn't the end of the world. There are various things you can do. Please remember I write this as a parent and it is stuff I learned from the experiences of others I know who went through similar. It's just suggestions and tips. Always check local arrangements with your local authority.

Do you appeal?

Most people's reaction  is to consider an appeal. Others are likely to recommend it, and it seems like your opportunity to put your case. However, you do need to think carefully before you appeal as it is not straightforward at all. What complicates it is the law says that infant class sizes (basically, the first 3 years in school) cannot be greater than 30. If a school is already full and classes are already 30, an appeal is likely to fail although there are a few exceptions that will override the law. These require you to prove that you would have got a place if the admissions process was properly implemented - in other words, they made a mistake at some point, or that you would have got a place if the admissions process had followed the School Admissions Code. The other exception is that refusing you a place was not a decision that a "reasonable authority" would have made. All of these require some effort and can be quite hard to prove unless you are sure a mistake has been made. It is possible to do, but the hearing might not be until the summer, and the result not known for a few days after that. If you can prove your case, they will have to award you a place, even if the infant class size is exceeded.

The decision whether to appeal is very personal. Many decide to appeal, then find out what's involved and withdraw. What does happen is that the admissions body will send you all the information relating to your appeal before the hearing which gives you time to prepare your case or decide whether to take it further. At a hearing, the admissions body will be given chance to state why they didn't give you a place, then it will be your turn to do the same. Your case will need to concentrate on the decision to refuse you a place. Personal circumstances (unless this is something you were relying on in your original application) will not be taken into account. I can ramble on about this for hours so if you want to know more, please do get in touch with me.

Is there anything else you can do if you decide not to appeal?

The first thing to remember is that you do not have to accept the place you've been offered if you really don't want it. The local authority will provide you with a list of schools who do have places available. It's also worth contacting the school(s) that didn't offer you a place and ask for your child to be placed on their waiting list - there will be a lot of movement as people decide they don't need the place,  move areas or even emigrate. The school will place you in the list according to the same admissions criteria, but they will also be able to tell you what position in the list you hold. Most schools will operate waiting lists until the start of the school year but some keep them for longer.

Even if you are putting in an appeal, it is worth putting in some effort to go and see other schools, whether that is the school you've been offered or others that you've been told have places available. Because there may be a number of parents in the same position, you'll probably be given a deadline to express a preference for another school and then you will be told if you have a place. Having a place sorted out is a good insurance policy if your appeal is not successful, and it's worth noting that doing so will not affect your appeal. It may mean that your child starts settling in sessions at a school they ultimately don't attend but it is probably better than not doing so.

If none of these avenues provide any joy, you may take the ultimate sanction of not accepting a place anywhere. Remember that, in England at least, no child has to attend school until the term after they turn 5. Even with the oldest children in the year born between September and December, that means they don't have to go to school until January. A January to April child wouldn't have to start school until after the Easter holidays and any child younger than that wouldn't have to start school until the start of Year 1 (although they will miss Reception altogether if this is the case). In that time, it is very likely that a place will become available at a school that suits you. Alternatively, you may decide to home educate which is another topic in itself. I know little about it but people like Jax who home educates her children know a lot more than me.

If your child does start at a school that you're not totally happy with, remember that nothing is forever.You may begin to feel very differently about a school once your child is a pupil there, especially if they settle in well, are happy and seem to be doing well. Places at other schools can become available at any time so even after a school stops operating a waiting list, they may still contact you to ask if you want a place or you can keep in touch with them. The decision to move a child is another personal choice and will very much depend on the child. Generally speaking, younger children seem to adapt better than older ones, but if your child took a while to settle at school and is now happy, you may feel that it's not worth the upheaval of moving them again.

What if you're applying next year and this post terrifies you?

For a start, don't panic. As I said at the start, the majority of parents get their first choice; many more get one of their top choices and are happy with what they are offered. There are a few things you can do to improve your chances of getting a fair outcome. Take care because you will hear a lot of anecdotes from parents of older children of what worked for them but things are very different now (and anyway, they may have worked for them than for the reason they suggest).

First, use all your preferences when applying. Some people still believe that only applying for one school will guarantee them a place. Some thinks it underlines how much they want that school and that the local council will HAVE to give them that school. This is not the case. If you only apply for one school, you'll be treated the same as other parents. If there is no place available for you, the council will find you a place at the nearest available school, which could be a long way from home if places are at a premium, or it might not be a school you're happy with. The way to have some control over your destiny is to apply for as many as you're allowed - the minimum is usually 3 but some areas allow more choices to be made.

Secondly, talk to the schools and understand their admissions policies. Most voluntary aided faith schools (and academies) will have their own admissions criteria which are different to community and voluntary controlled schools. Faith schools usually give top priority to those who attend a local church regularly or those who have their children baptised. If you haven't looked already, it may already be too late to start attending church as the qualification period usually ends in the September before you apply. It may not be a problem but a school will be able to give you an idea how likely it is you could get a place without it. Personally I wouldn't attend church for this reason, and if you're the same, this may affect your decision whether to apply to such a school if it is usually oversubscribed. Also, if your local authority operates catchment areas, understand how they affect you and your choices - applying to an oversubscribed school from out of catchment may be risky and may become even harder when it comes to applying for younger siblings, especially if they are not given priority over children in catchment area.

Next, don't discount any school until you have seen it for yourself. I can't stress this enough - only you know what suits your child and no-one else can judge if a school is right for them. Keep an open mind throughout.

Finally, don't panic. If it doesn't work out for you, then come back to this post next year.


My final thought is this - everything will turn out alright in the end. If it's not alright, it's not the end. Not getting the place you'd hoped for is not the end. It's just the start.

Good luck!

How do you teach children to stand up for themselves?

Photo credit - lusi

Since Monkey was small, we have taught him to walk away from trouble. To be fair to him, unless it's his sister, if another child has hit him, or snatched a toy from him, he's stood there and look mystified but as the time for him to start school approached, we made sure he knew that retaliation was not good.

He's never had a problem at school. There have been the odd occasion when a child has hit him but all he has done is tell the nearest appropriate adult and it hasn't been repeated. The school stress their zero tolerance for bullying and I know he feels comfortable telling me there's been a problem or telling a member of staff at school.

But lately, I've been wondering - at what point do I teach him to stand up for himself and to do that without resorting to physical violence? Over the last year, I've noticed that there is an older boy who lives nearby that makes him feel very uncomfortable and whilst not actually bullying him, has hit other children that he knows and has been nasty to him. Most of the time, he has avoided him and told me about any problems he's had with him. Until now, I've told him to stay away.

But last week during the holidays, he went to the park around the corner with Missy Woo and this boy was there. The boy asked him who his girlfriend was. Instead of saying, "She's my sister," and carry on normally, he came home again.

At some point, I think he will probably have to be able to stand his ground, and learn when to do that and when to walk away. I don't want him to be cowed by any type of bully, be that physical or verbal and yes, it is probably right to walk away from someone who is being, or threatening to be, violent but not to someone who's just being mean. When should that be, and how do I start to teach him that skill or wisdom to know the difference between the two? My worry is that school is so supportive about dealing with bullying behaviour that they don't really know how to deal with it when it crops up in other situations. Not that I want him to be bullied; I just need to teach him how to handle himself without having to raise his fists. I don't want him to get in trouble - he probably won't but it's always a risk - and I don't want him to get a reputation with other children or their parents.

Do you have any advice for me? How have you dealt with this tricky area of parenting? How best can I support him - and ultimately, Missy Woo too? I'd love you to share your collective wisdom with me. Please do so in the comments below because I am sure I am not the only parent bothered by this. Thank you. 


*Edit* If you've enjoyed this post and others on my blog, would you like to nominate me for a MAD Blog Award? Nominations close this week and I've already been nominated in a few categories, although I'm probably a best fit for the Schooldays and Family Life categories. If you would like to nominate me, click on the badge and fill out the form on the Nominate page. Thank you and thanks for all the lovely nominations so far.

Why I will no longer apologise for being proud of my children

Photo credit - msegura

Last week was Parents Evening, and I'm pleased to report it was all good for both children. Very good, in fact. I mentioned it on Twitter but I held back from blogging about it, until now.

I put it on my Facebook status and then I saw someone tweeting about how they hate all the smug updates about how everyone's little darlings are doing so well at such times, and that not all the children can't ALL be nice and polite. It niggled. First, because it intimated that teachers issue platitudes they don't really believe, and secondly, it suggested that it was wrong to be proud of our children.

The main reason I put it on Facebook is that it is the main way we keep up to date with family. We have family spread from Cumbria to Devon, plus another that spends half his time abroad. We have friends around the world who know my kids and like to hear how they are getting on. I'm sorry if that's wrong but if I didn't put it on my status, I'd have to type it out several times over.

I know the teachers were genuine in their praise when we went. It rather astonishes me that Monkey's teacher cannot say a bad word about him. She gave him As for effort rather than A*s because she wants him to keep trying and told us "Really, he's excellent (but don't tell him I said that!)". I knew he had done well in his reading test because she told me a month ago that he had come top of the class in a very hard reading test, having only got one question wrong. Missy Woo's teacher was honest with us too - and said her only fault was she could get a little too chatty if she sat next to the wrong person, but that she was always mortified if teacher had to have a word with her.The children they spoke of were recognisable as my children, albeit the immaculately behaved version they reserve for school hours.

These teachers weren't lying. I would know if they were and I'm certainly not lying either.Yes, they are good kids but they are not angels; they are just normal kids who have their moments, and thankfully, the good outweighs the bad. Both children are already at, or beyond, where they are expected to be by the end of the school year. Their teachers expect they will move up further during the next term - Monkey's teacher expects his reading to be that expected of a child finishing Year 4. He's in Year 2. Missy Woo is expected to be at the standard of a child in Year 2, a full year ahead of herself. Those facts blew me away. In fact, it still does.

But why is it wrong to be proud of this? They have both worked hard and tried their best in class and know we expect that of them. We do not push them, we encourage them - we read with them and do spellings as requested by school but the rest of the time anything we do with them is spontaneous. Why can't I be proud that they both try their best and are progressing so well? That they both love to read, to write and to add up? That they both love learning?

I accept there is a fine line between pride and boastfulness. When the children were babies, I avoided the Baby Olympics. I was open-mouthed when some parents were displeased that a friend's baby was ahead of theirs. One even told me she was worried her daughter wasn't walking - she wasn't even a year old. And yes, I talk about my kids, but never in a my-child-is-better-than-yours kind of way - they're just different, with their own personalities, strengths and weaknesses.

My children are my life. Their care and upbringing takes up the most time in my daily routine and it's been that way for the last 7 years. I think we've done a good job so far. If I can't be proud of that, what can I be proud of? I've had enough -  I am reserving the right to speak up when there is good news to report. From now on, I'm going to be a proud mummy and be unapologetic about tt. I won't bang on about my children endlessly but I will celebrate their achievements. I want my children to know that I am proud of them (which they do, I hope) but I want them to know it's OK to be proud in a gracious way, especially when it is something they have worked hard for.

I want other parents to join me, to demonstrate that pride in your children is a good thing. I've even made a badge to display on your blog, to show that you are proud and don't feel the need to apologise for that. Feel free to grab the code to do so, to put on a post or a sidebar. I'd love to know what you think about it, either in the comments or in your own post - what makes you proud about your kids? How have they made you proud recently? Is parental pride a good thing and when is it ever bad? If enough people write in response to this, I'll open a linky but I won't if there isn't a demand for it.

<a href="http://thefivefsblog.blogspot.co.uk/" target="_blank"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKN_fUBGGa9OBhFhgky24uevpylg2gjtuiXI8vfdZM0oDYGk8CMsry_lBjjQKnGZ5lD4-QoCBBi3n5Za9ZkdRKqCjOnrhz6DI1QNX23-CYNV3Vd_H6bltbvrhiZ8aJjp9_CC9a-5IPxma4/s1600/ppcblogbadge2.jpg" border="0" alt="The Five Fs" /></a>

Let's show everyone we are proud of our kids - we've spent ages growing and nurturing them, we have every right to be. In doing this, I'm hoping our kids learn pride in themselves - how to experience it and handle it, without losing friends over it. Mostly, I just want them to know people ARE proud of them because, God knows, children and young people take enough stick these days, and not a lot of it is justified.

Competitive (dis)advantage?

Photo credit - wvubush

There is no doubt about it - Monkey is a competitive child. He is stubborn and determined, and he has learned that if he keeps trying at things, he will get better. In many ways, that is a good thing and it means he needs little encouragement to stick at it, certainly in his school work.

Why is it so much easier with only one?

Partners in crime

People thought I was mad when I had two children only 16 months apart. I never saw it that way because they had such similar needs. One was hard work anyway and it didn't take much more to meet the needs of the other. As an added bonus, they slept at the same time at least once a day mostly so I got a break.

It seems to have got worse as they have got older. Now they are both at school, it should be a doddle but the period between school pick up and their bedtime, even if we have nothing on, is really stressful, especially when I'm on my own with them. It's not that they argue or fight but they seem to tag team me, pestering me in turns. Even if I offer them things, you can guarantee they will ask me for something the second I sit down. The hours pass in a whirl of readings, spellings, making and eating tea, a little time for playing or watching telly, bath time and then catching up with Daddy when he gets home.

Somehow, it seems that it's now much much easier when there is only one child at home. It's not even as if they fight. Take this week - Missy Woo was off to her friend's for tea, so it was just me and Monkey after I school. In the past, he's been known for walking out of school and in the few paces (and seconds) between the classroom and me, he would turn from the angel Gabriel to the devil incarnate. In that time, he would come up with the most unreasonable demands - he'd want to go to the playcentre we went to only yesterday, he'd want chocolate even though he'd had loads, he'd want his Daddy even though he knew he was at work. I swear he did it just to be able to have a massive tantrum. The child who has never been told off at school ever would turn on a sixpence. Admittedly, he's got better since he stopped being so tired after a day at school but boy, was it fun. Not. I would be the parent resorting to dragging my child, red-faced and screaming, across the playground, under the gaze of parents who were mostly offering up a silent prayer of thanks that it was not their child creating this scene.

I picked him up this particular afternoon and as we walked back to the car, he asked if he could play computer games when we got home. This is often another flashpoint as my stock answer is to say he can, once he's done his reading and spellings (which takes 15 minutes tops). In fact, he usually spends so long arguing with me over this, he could have done it all in the time and be playing. I remind him he needs to do this, especially as for some reason, his teacher had taken his homework folder away and not given it back for two days and brace myself for the usual outburst. "Oh yeah", he calmly says and gets in the car. Whoa!

I made him toast, which he ate and then we set to work on the spellings, which he did in seconds and we sat down to do his reading, which turned out to be a book he's been gazing at for months but now he is on the appropriate reading level, he is allowed to read. He happily read several today, whereas the day before, he'd been sent to bed early for arguing with me over reading and wouldn't read his book properly. We talked about it, until he suddenly said "Can I play now?" and I saw no reason to refuse. Every time I asked a question, he politely answered or if I asked him to do something, he replied "Yes, Mummy" where I would usually get a curt "No" or a whiney "Do I have to?". He did get himself in a tizz over eating his tea and continuing his game until I pointed out it would wait until he'd finished, and possibly missing Pointless.

Oh yes, Pointless. Monkey loves it with a passion. It appeals to his geeky side. He doesn't know most of the answers but he knows I can have a go and he often asks me if the answer the contestants have given are right. I must admit, I like it too, but not quite as obsessively as he does. I mean, we were even at a friend's house last week when 5.15 rolled around and he walked up to my friend and asked if he could watch it when he had friends his own age to play with. She put it on for him and was amazed that he followed it intently from start to finish.

We watched Pointless together, with him sat right next to me. It seems like these days, the only way I get true affection out of him is when he's going to bed or we are on our own together. He's already at the point where he won't be seen kissing, hugging or even holding my hand (the latter only if I insist for safety reasons) in public.

It was lovely. It was so lovely in fact, I was even moved to ask him why he isn't like this more, when Missy Woo is around. His answer? "Well, Missy Woo annoys me." Now, I don't believe that for a minute. She is definitely the calmer of the two, if a little giddy at times, and most of his arguments are with me and nothing to do with her. She might egg him on to be silly a bit and the same is true of him, but I can't figure it out. It is not that I don't give him attention when she is there, nor do I ignore her when he is around. They aren't competing for my attention as they either play together or they do their own things.

I had such a nice time that I almost didn't want to go and collect Missy Woo, but as it was so close to bedtime, I didn't have to deal with grumpy children. And no doubt, tomorrow, normal service will be resumed and he'll be arguing with me from the second I pick him up unless he totally gets his own way.

Maybe it's the rule of divide and conquer. I've focussed on Monkey because he is often the harder work when they are together - Missy is mostly angelic, but more likely to be sulky. She's working on her diva training for I had the first "I hate you!" shouted at me by her the other week (although she told me she loved me within half an hour.). But one thing is for sure; I don't know what it is, but one child instead of two in the house is less than half the work - and stress - for me. I really appreciate the one-to-one time I get with either child.Whatever it is that makes them so wonderful in that situation, it brings out the best in them.

And it reminds me why I love my children.

There's no such thing as a perfect parent...

This has been something I've been meditating about since I saw it as part of a comment on a blog (sorry, I can't remember which one!). It sums up beautifully something we all need to remember when being a parent is tough or we're being hard on ourselves for our perceived failings as a parent. The commenter used this quote:

There's no such thing as a perfect parent, but there are a million ways to be a good one. 

Parents seem to have been fair game for some time now. We're judged by everybody and parts of the media don't help. (Naming no names but the main culprits sound like Fail and Distress.) We judge each other too, encouraged by the presumption that we're all failing as parents, or at least not as good as the parents whose children are long grown up and who've forgotten what dealing with a small child is like.

We're part of a society that expects perfection, yet it is impossible to achieve. We're human, after all. We make mistakes and we learn by making them. It doesn't help that we have a blame culture where someone loses their job seemingly for every cock-up they make. Nor does it help that parenting involves dealing with a variable - your children. They are all individuals from the moment they are born and have different needs and wants, likes and dislikes. There is no manual, despite a lot of people making their fortunes writing parenting books. None of them can agree, because there is no single right way to raise a child. The government tries to standardise "advice" but fails because what works for one often doesn't work for another, even children of the same family.

Yes, children all have similar basic needs. They need food, clothes and to be kept safe, healthy and warm. Probably most importantly, they need to be and to feel loved. That's it. Beyond that, they will enjoy different things and some will require more input from their parents than others, have different interests and temperaments. As a parent, your job is to make sure they have their basic needs met and then to do your best to ensure their other needs are met, along with the inevitable compromises that arise, dependent on your  circumstances.

Gratuitous lovely (old) shot of my children. Just because. 

Everyone needs to give parents a break. You may not agree with the way that someone parents. Fine. They may just have different values to you and that's allowed. It doesn't make them a bad parent. A bad parent doesn't meet their child's needs, does some unspeakable things to them or allows such things to happen to them. Most parents wouldn't dream of doing that. Their children are probably the most precious things in the world  and they want only the best for them.

No-one else can truly judge someone's parenting because they do not know or understand the child in the same way that their parents do, and they are not living their life. Perhaps, if we stop judging parents, parents will stop judging themselves harshly for bad days, making compromises because they are tired or need to work, making choices that aren't perceived to be "ideal". Parents often beat themselves up for "bad parenting", when if they stopped to consider whether it was, they'd soon realise it really wasn't. True, you might make choices that aren't ideal or best practice but this isn't a perfect world. We're all muddling through and sometimes the best we can give isn't all that great, we know that. But you know what? You're still good parents. The decision may not be all that great, but the children will come to no harm, they'll be looked after and cared for, they'll be fed and clothed. We often compare ourselves to what we perceive to be perfect parents but that's their public persona and who really knows what goes on behind closed doors?

So cut yourself some slack the next time your inner critic calls you a bad parent. Your best IS good enough, and on the occasions when all you can give is less than your best, that's good enough too.

Believe in yourself as a parent. You'll feel so much better for it. There IS no such thing as a perfect parent. And a million (or billion) ways to be a good one. 

Confidence trick

It's fascinating watching your children growing up and watching their personalities develop. The differences between the two are amazing. Where Monkey is volatile and will blow up over the slightest thing sometimes, Missy Woo is calm and relatively pragmatic.

There is one area where I spot a difference in their personalities and it slightly disturbs me. It manifests itself largely when they practice their reading at home with us, and I wonder if it is noticeable at school.

Child labour? Help me out!

Photo credit - lusi

Monkey is a child that is never satisfied. You give him toys, he wants another. He thinks he should have a new one every day. If it is not that, he wants some Match Attax or thinks he deserves a treat. This has to stop if he's to get a Christmas present.

The other day, I had to take the children to Asda to do a weekly shop and whilst they were good and helpful, they wanted to know whether they could visit the toy aisle (no), get some Match Attax (no) or buy a game or DVD (no again but useful diversion when I'm going through the checkout as the DVD section is just beyond the tills).

When we got back in the car, Monkey asked when he could have a treat. Once again, for what felt like the thousandth time, I explained about money, things costing and having money to spend. And then the light bulb went on in my head. Having remembered that the children have helped with chores from time to time, I suggested that perhaps they'd like to earn money from doing some chores which they'd get as a kind of pocket money at the weekend and they can spend as they choose.

When we got home that day, they were keen to help and despite having a house that was upside down, they helped me to get it fairly clean and tidy. Unfortunately, Missy Woo blotted her copybook by "testing" a felt tip pen all over one of the internal doors which I had to spend 15 mins scrubbing to remove.

But anyway, they have slacked off somewhat since Sunday (quelle surprise). They do know, howver, that keeping their rooms and their playroom tidy all week will earn them a pound. I said I would work out prices for different jobs. I've made a few up, but was wondering what other parents do?  At the moment, they are only old enough to do things like tidying up and dusting, although they did a bit of hoovering with supervision.

So, parents, tell me if you pay your children to do chores and if so, how much for which tasks? I'd really love to know whatever their age and capabilities. If you've older children and can remember what you did when the children were a similar age to my two (6 and 5), that would be useful too.

Do leave your answers in the comments below.

One thousand and eighty eight hours to go...

...until the children walk back into class again. Not that I'm counting, you understand.

No, not wishing my life away at all...

In the meantime, there will be:

- 144 hours away camping
- at least 240 away on a roadtrip/holiday
- 8 hours going on the train to MOSI
- 1 hour going to the dentist
- 2 hours going to the hairdressers
- 2 hours buying shoes (optimistic)
- 4 hours at the library
- 2 hours (possibly more) at a party tomorrow

Dawdling and tantrums as end of year fatigue sets in

Nearly a year ago now. Wow.

The last week of term. The end of the school year. It's flown and it's dragged. But boy, are the children ready for it!

It started a week or two ago. Missy Woo's reading started going awry. It was like she had a complete block with words I know she knows. She would either sound them out, or guess them. We're not talking difficult words, we're talking short words, even as short as "on" or "for". I kept writing things in her reading record until we all got frustrated and wrote a long diatribe asking for tips as it was becoming a source of tension. Of course, the next book she had she was fine at reading. A few days later, the headteacher took her class and told me the class teacher would listen to her read the next day. She was perfect. Then it dawned on me that she might be tired. So I got her reading as early as possible after school and she's been much better. And I remember what she was like in her first term. She has slowed down. She sat on my knee the other night and I swear that she would have fallen asleep given the chance. It's end of year fatigue. She has it in spades.

How far would you push your children?

Photo credit - pnijhuis

I'm writing this because we've had the coverage of The Open on today, and so Rory McIlroy and Tom Lewis have featured quite heavily. Rory, because he recently won the US Open golf at the age of 22 and Tom, because he is still an amateur golfer and only 20 years old. Some of the footage showed Rory McIlroy as a child and all he is doing is playing golf.

It got me thinking. How are champions made? Are they born talented and just naturally spend their time practising and learning to be better? Or do they need to be encouraged to spend their time improving their craft? I'm suspecting that it's a bit of both really and that is what gives me a problem.