Choosing secondary schools - the start of the journey

So Monkey is now in Year 5 (and Missy in Year 4) and we started the job of visiting secondary school open evenings in the area. Some people have expressed surprise at this but I am not alone.

The window of opportunity is narrow - applications open in September as the open evenings start, then close at the end of October. We've only just been to the last open evening although there are some next week. Had we been starting in Year 6, that would give us two weeks to make a final decision. If you want to arrange revisits, half term is last week of October so you only have a week to go back. A friend of mine is in this position - they only looked at a couple last year and is feeling the pressure a bit this year, no firm decision made and hurriedly trying to look at all the options and come to a conclusion.

Perhaps if you live in a town with only one choice of school, there might be no need to rush and you can do it all in Year 6. What I can't get over is the fact that although a school can look great from the outside, visiting it can be a completely different proposition and what if you don't like it when you do finally look? I know from when we looked at primary schools, the school I thought I'd love, I didn't. And one I thought I wouldn't, I loved. And that's what we chose. Our instincts proved right.

Where we live, there's an embarrassment of choice. In the district, we have 6 secondaries, all rated good or outstanding by Ofsted (I'll come back to Ofsted later). One is too far away, and two are faith schools, with one offering no chance of a place unless we had been regularly attending church since LAST year - yes, at the start of Year 4 - and could prove it. In the neighbouring town, there are 4 more, one outstanding, the rest good or heading that way. Three other neighbouring smaller areas have a school each and there are four others I could consider if I felt I needed to but are probably too far away. Oh my - that's seventeen! That's even before, as some are considering, private schools (which are not for us), or schools further afield - like a private school that became a free school last September.

Obviously, we have to consider if we have a chance of getting places, which is why the field is much narrower than all seventeen. There are so many faith schools here - I can rule out five immediately on that basis because we wouldn't meet the criteria and three more where we would have a chance but may not want to. Take away the ones we think are too far and we got down to five - two in the local town, two in the next and one other, all less a 5 mile journey from home.

The difficulty compared to primary is that dammit, the child has an opinion this time! The worry is that they will just try to choose the one that their friends go to. I understand that, I really do, but I know from talking to parents of older children, that although they don't realise this, they will probably have a totally different set of friends at 16 as they will at 11.

So, off we trekked to five open evenings. I've tried to keep Monkey on track and asked him to think about what he wants a school to be what the school would be like on a normal day, not when they are offering food in nearly every room. We went to one school where he ate sweets (lots), paella, shortbread, three different types of cheese, bockwurst, pain au chocolat (apparently seven bits, just to be sure), pretzel, stollen (two bits), croissant, orange squash, shortbread and lasagne. After tea!

I've tried to go with an open mind and have got better at planning our trips after our first when we unexpectedly arrived late due to traffic forcing a detour, listened to the speeches then only had about an hour to see round a large school (impossible, don't try it - allow at least 2-3 hours to see everything, especially if you want to hear the speeches). I'm very much into the "feel" of a place. This article, by a teacher, confirms I'm right to consider that. It's also why I don't just look at the schools at the top of the league tables or rated outstanding. Why? Although results tables are a guide, basing our choice next year solely on the results that will be published soon from summer 2014 doesn't seem right when Monkey will not be taking GCSEs until the summer of 2021, some seven years later. Schools can change a lot, for good or bad, in that time. And Ofsted? Well, I have my own views but it's hard to compare apples with apples when some were inspected recently and others not inspected for five years - again, a lot can happen in that time. It is just a snapshot of what the inspectors found on those two days. They are a guide but I won't let it put me off until I've seen it with my own eyes.

Getting a general feel for a place can be hard to do when there's a lot of people there at open evenings (and trust me, there can be LOADS; one was so popular, it created traffic jams) but we've been talking to the teachers, pupils and observing how the two appear to get on. We've also caught up with a few former pupils from the children's primary school when we've seen them to see how they're enjoying it.

The first school we went to see is our favourite. And you know what? We went to see an "outstanding" school last that I thought I'd like and I didn't like it that much, just like last time. Nor did the husband and neither did Missy, who has come to all but one. However, Monkey decided, having agreed with us, that the last might be his favourite after all! I think it was because there were an awful lot of people visiting who he knew. A lot of his friends are likely to choose there because of where they live. It's our nearest school but we are outside the priority area (for which read catchment) so our chances aren't as good.

We are planning a trip back to the first school (which we saw a month ago) to remind him what it was like, see it in the daytime and see the parts we missed on open evening. I'm certainly glad we are not doing this next year. Our second favourite looks like being a currently unfashionable school but was lovely, friendly and welcoming to visit. Monkey has also been there in the daytime on a school trip. We only went to the open evening because of this and were pleasantly surprised.

I think I'm coming to two conclusions - the first is to go to see schools, even if on paper they don't seem like the best choice and the second is to start at least a year early. If you're not happy after open evening season, you have time to cast the net wider before crunch time. Most schools are happy to show you around on a normal day. I'd ask why not if they don't.

And I've just thought of a third conclusion - you can definitely get open evening fatigue! I'm very glad they're all over but I least I have an idea of what's coming next year. I was going to say "know" but a lot can happen in that time.

PS If you are looking at grammar schools, you might want to start even earlier; some schools have open days in the summer term because of the need to take tests etc. At least check the school's website (and the local authority) for details so you don't miss out.

Walkers Hoops and Crosses - what the XOXO are they?

This post is sponsored. 

A box arrived in the post the other day. The contents didn't last long - in fact, I didn't even get a chance to get a photograph of the box before things got grabbed.  This is all I have left to show you (child not included):

The other thing was a pack of a new snack from Walkers called Hoops and Crosses. These are wholegrain corn snacks, that are baked not fried, and therefore meant to be a healthier version of a potato type snack, because it has 30% less fat and helps towards your wholegrain intake, which is lacking in most people, especially children.

A pack of Hoops and Crosses contains only 85 calories, but they are lighter than most packets of crisps in that they contain 18g instead of 25g or 28g. They are far from a low fat product but an average serving only contains 3.8g fat.

Tastewise, we were sent the Roast Beef flavour, mysteriously in a yellow packet (I get confused by variations in colour coding of crisp flavours!). Tastewise, they tasted just like Monster Munch to me, which is not my favourite thing but not unpalatable. They also come in Prawn Cocktail - Missy Woo's favourite flavour - and Salt and Vinegar. A packet lasted approximately 4.9 seconds but that was everyone getting a look in. I suspect they wouldn't last in a lunchbox for too long and I wonder just how filling the wholegrains make it as a snack. The children enjoyed them and keep asking for them in the supermarket.

Personally, I'd prefer Cheese and Onion but that's my favourite flavour.

Obviously, they are shaped like noughts and crosses but I suspect your games would get eaten quickly if you tried to play the game with them!

(This is a sponsored review as I have been paid a fee to cover my time to review this product. I was sent a packet to try along with the cuddly toy to keep. All opinions are my own and genuinely held.)

Missy Woo bakes her first cake!

Since we took a trip to the Cake and Bake Show in Manchester last week and Missy Woo got to help with one of the demos when there was a sudden and unexpected lack of peeled apples, which is fairly critical for a toffee apple cake, Missy Woo has been on at me to make a cake. I told her when we were there that she could make her own cake sometime when we were talking to the lovely Ruth from the Pink Whisk, the person she ended up helping.

Missy Woo is now like an elephant - she never forgets. You can't make promises like that and then conveniently forget them. She will keep on until she gets it. On Friday, she asked me again when she could make it and I suggested that she could on Saturday, her last weekend of freedom before she and her brother go back to school. We have a whole weekend to fill, just me and the children as husband is at work. She was further inspired by finding out her 8 year old friend often makes cakes for her family that turn out yummy, apparently.

I knew she would choose chocolate cake and luckily, had most things in. Whenever I am making chocolate cake, my first thought is to turn to Ruth again and use her recipe, which is super simple as it uses cocoa powder rather than having to melt chocolate, and it always works. The original recipe is here (it's actually for chocolate muffins but those quantities work for an 8 inch tin) but Ruth was lovely enough to give me a copy of her book which has the recipe scaled for different sized tins which is so handy.

So, Missy Woo set to work baking with me as adviser. This is what I did:

- Told her how to line a tin
- spray cake release around the tin
- got all the ingredients out for her
- explained some things to her about weighing and measuring some ingredients
- reminded her of a few things to do
- got the mixer out for her and fitted the blade
- cracked the eggs into the bowl
- scraped down the sides of the mixer bowl when she couldn't reach
- poured the cake mixture in tin from the mixer bowl
- put the cake in the oven
- took it out and tested
- removed from the tin to cool
- cleaned the blade of the mixer so she could reuse it
- finished off weighing out icing sugar
- added cocoa powder and milk to bowl to make buttercream
- split the cake
- helped her spread buttercream in the middle and top
- spread the buttercream round the sides
- open the sprinkles
- been around to answer questions when she wanted help

And Missy Woo

- drew a circle of baking paper
- cut it out
- turned the oven on
- weighed out all the ingredients for the cake
- microwaved the butter briefly to soften it
- put the ingredients into the mixer and turned it on
- decided when to stop the mixer and add new ingredients
- scraped some of the sides of the bowl
- timed the cooking of the cake
- helped to test the cake with a cocktail stick
- weighed out the butter and some of the icing sugar for the icing
- placed the buttercream ingredients in the mixer
- mixed the buttercream to her satisfaction
- spread some of the buttercream
- sprinkled stars and gold glitter on the cake
- licked the bowl, and the scraper, and the mixer blade, and the bowl. And the palette knife. And the little knife. You get the idea.

And here, in all its glory, is the finished cake.

Not bad for a first attempt, huh?

The tortoise and the hare

Parenting can be a funny thing sometimes. So much can be attributed to upbringing and genes but it's easy to forget that children are out there developing their own personalities.

Take this week, and that termly ordeal of Parents Evening at school. I'm not going to bore you with a report of their achievements but suffice to say, they're doing well, work hard and the teachers love them. What was revealing was where each teacher identifies areas for improvement. And therein lay the difference.

Monkey can be a bit slapdash. He throws himself with abandon into tasks - sometimes a little too much abandon. He's apt to rush a bit and have a little bit TOO much confidence. His teacher noted he needs to take a bit more time to think, and plan. Unsurprisingly, his weakness is his writing but he's strong on maths - writing takes time and effort, whereas maths can be done in shorter bursts.

And Missy Woo, she has the opposite problem. We know her writing and reading is good, but she's apt to be slow at times. So slow in fact, that the teacher says she produces much less than her peers. Some of this is a lack of confidence. However, she's a bit of a day dreamer, something that we notice regularly at home - just how long can one child take to change into ballet costume?! I think also she doesn't like to be put under pressure - she looks at a blank page and her brain freezes yet can be full of ideas. So her aim is going to be to work faster and smarter and feel more confident.

Husband summarised it thus - "Basically, if we could combine the two of them, we'd have the perfect pupil". And he's right. Two siblings, just over a year apart in age. Similar abilities. Two totally different approaches at opposite ends of the scale. It's that old cliché - the tortoise and the hare. But that's OK because having two hares would be exhausting, and two tortoises frustrating. They balance each other out - he livens her up, she tempers his explosive nature.

And one thing is for sure - watching them grow and develop their own personalities is utterly fascinating (and delightful), even if parenting totally opposite personalities can be very challenging.

Is this the quiet period of childhood?

Butter wouldn't melt, eh?

Not *actually* quiet, you know. My children are still as noisy as anything given the chance.

It just feels that there is not a massive amount happening. The children are growing. They have done the learning to walk, talk, read and count. I'm not bragging when I say they are doing well at school; it's simple fact as they are both ahead of where is expected of them where they are in school. I am lucky in that they don't seem to have any major issues at school.

Behaviourwise, we don't have major issues. We still struggle with them to understand that in the morning they have certain jobs that must be done because although they do them most days, some days they do not seem to realise they are meant to get dressed. I don't think they are that different to other children their own age. Monkey is still prone to the odd meltdown which mostly seems associated with tiredness. If he would only sleep in later, especially at weekends!

When he was first in school, Monkey was much much worse than this. He's definitely calmed down in recent months. No, he is not perfect, but on the whole, he's very good and loving towards us - well, at least, at home. In public, he doesn't want to be seen hugging me in the way that boys of his age only can but almost the first thing he does when he comes home from school is come and give me a hug. If they are looked after by anyone else, I always get good reports back.

All this, however, makes me feel like I'm being lulled into a false sense of security. Looking ahead, I fear the teens and what it will do to them, especially Missy Woo who is the sweetest thing ever. I know that things will change, I just wonder how far away that might be.

This feels like the quiet period of childhood - am I right? Is that how it is for this age group? When might things change?

Or am I just lucky and should just count my blessings more?

What say you?

Another birthday.

Yes, it's my birthday today. When you get to my age, you kind of stop thinking about the numbers.

As I lay in bed last night, trying to fall asleep at the start of yet another birthday, I started reflecting. On things I've done - trying to stay positive rather than dwell on the inevitable mistakes I've made in my life.

Of all the things I've done, I decided that what I'm most proud of are my children. Yes, they drive me nuts sometimes - Monkey is particularly challenging and hard work quite a bit although he decided off his own back to make "be nice" his New Year's resolution. They are however gorgeous, funny, intelligent and loving. I've had oodles of birthday cuddles today and they count for way more than any present ever would.

In other matters, do you like my cake? Made it myself. It's a bit of a monster - hazelnut meringue cake with hazelnut ganache, strawberries and cream.

Happy birthday to me!

The organiser

Yesterday was the occasion of the children's Christmas show. Well, it was the first one of three. We got tickets to go to the afternoon performances so that my husband could make it as the evening performances fall during his normal working hours.

It was a lovely show, with each of the year groups doing their own piece. Monkey had a speaking part in his class's play and did fantastically. Missy Woo was one of the narrators for Reception's class play because she is a good reader and has a lovely clear voice. She was back on straight away, singing songs with the rest of her class (Year 2), and they did a fantastic job of entertaining the audience.

However, one small thing stood out for me. At the end of their performance, they stood for a while on the stage to allow parents the chance to take photos, then the teacher led the children off the stage. Now, they'd obviously practised walking on and off the stage and who walked with who, but after about half of the children had left the stage, the procession stalled and the children just stood there looking a bit lost for a second, trying to work out who was next and not wanting to mess it up.

Then I saw Missy Woo silently take control of the situation. Glancing around, she caught the eye of who she thought was meant to be leaving next and directed them by gesticulating towards the exit with her index finger whilst keeping her hands by her side. The other children did as they were directed, apparently relieved that someone knew what to do, and left in the order she determined as their eyes collectively moved to her face to see where she was looking. She continued to look and point her fingers, rather like a policeman directing traffic or a conductor of an orchestra but with her arms glued to her sides until it was her turn to leave the stage, near enough the last to leave.

Little moments like this make me smile, and this one was vintage Missy Woo - quietly going about something in a way that might not be noticed but with a firm determination. She didn't do it bossily; she saw it could go wrong as the teacher had already gone and she wanted to help the others do it right. The other children obviously trusted her, which was quite sweet. I was most impressed with the way she thought on her feet - literally.

I always said she'd be running the classroom when she went to school. Seems like I was right. Any resemblance to me is purely coincidental, of course. *cough*

Half term snow fun with the snow Scrooge (me)

I am not good with snow and ice. It's one of the reasons I loathe and detest winter. If I think it's going to snow, I am very on edge. I am not overly happy about it, unless I don't have to go anywhere and can stay close to home. I have never been skiing. Hardly surprising, isn't it?

Poor husband quite enjoys boarding. We have the Chill Factor-e fairly nearby, which is the UK’s longest indoor skiing and snowboarding slope. It opened when the children were quite small and we've been inside. Husband has been there by himself to go boarding but as you can tell it's not my thing!

The children love snow, as children do. It's just me that's the snow Scrooge. You'd think living on a hill as we do would be great for snowplay but the last few winters have been too much and the best they could manage is snowball fighting and the odd snowman.

Receiving an invitation to come and try out some of the activities at Chill Factor-e's bloggers' party was therefore an exciting prospect for everyone else, and as it fell in half term, it meant something to do for the kids, and as husband works evenings, he could come along for the trip.

On arrival, we were taken to a big changing room and got changed into our ski clothing, helmet and boots, which was fun with other bloggers and their families. We were taken onto the nursery slopes to have a go at two different activities, tubing and sledging.

Before long, I got told I was going tubing. Tubing involves sliding down a slope in a big rubber ring. I watched the children going down in the rings and was not convinced. They seemed to enjoy it, I wasn't sure I did. Eventually, it was my turn. I sat in my ring and someone pushed me down the hill. I can't really tell you what it was like as I closed my eyes and they stayed closed until I came to a stop but I basically slid down the slope, and up again at the end, before the stop finally came. I stood up and could hardly feel my legs. That was my activity for the day, I just spent the rest of the time taking photos. Missy Woo didn't really like the tubing because she couldn't control the speed but Monkey, adrenaline junkie that he is, loved every second of it. To be fair, most people did.

We soon moved on the sledging. Missy Woo loved this much more as she could control the speed with her legs. The only problem the children had was if they put the sledges down too heavily, the sledge would set off by itself down the slope. Husband tried the luge as well - Monkey wanted to try it but had so much fun sledging, he ran out of time to try it.

After our activities and divesting ourselves of all the snowkit, we repaired to the bar, where the children ate copious amounts of pizza and chips with the friends they'd made on the slopes. They had to make more pizza , and more chips - clearly, playing on the snow is hungry work.

Apart from the activities on the lower slopes, there is a lot going on there - including extreme sledging on the main slope, and the world's first snow-sphereing ride, Avalanche. It's nice and if you like that sort of thing, you are spoiled for choice. My one issue is with the price - I know it's manufactured snow and the costs must be high but the total cost for a family day out is huge. Their group "Big Family Day Out" for a family of four can cost from £112 up to £200. And that's before you've bought food, petrol, etc.

I knew that they did children's parties and that they were expensive. We were told that they were relaunching the parties and I saw signs offering party packages from £9 per head, which is a lot more reasonable. However, on investigating it further, that only applies to snowplay parties for infants under 2. The cheapest package for snowplay parties cost £15.50 per head, and the cheapest party with food cost £17 per head, and I just don't think that is competitive. Yes, some people will pay those prices but in the competitive market that is children's parties, there are cheaper alternatives that people will use because they can't afford it. It's a shame really, but it all adds to the image that skiing and boarding is an activity that is for people with money. I am probably being churlish here - tell me if I am, I don't mind - but I can't afford those prices and I'd have to consider alternatives (I don't think I spent £200 in total on birthday parties this year).

Still, we did have a lovely time. Well, I did if you didn't force me to slide down a slope on a rubber ring and the others enjoyed the activities as you can probably tell from the photo of Monkey above. Sadly, it won't be an experience we will be repeating shortly as the price prohibits that if you are on the budget. Therein lies the problem with Chill Factor-e - great idea, way too expensive for the mass market.

(Chill Factor-e invited us to try the activities as above, and provided us with free clothing and boot hire for the duration of the session, and lunch afterwards. I have not been paid further for this post. All opinions are my own.)

20 things I learned this week

1. If you want to avoid a long wait when shopping for school shoes, the best thing to do is to be the first ones through the door at opening time.

2. It may, however, still take half an hour to get two children measured and fitted.

3. It is possible for feet to measure a totally different width fitting than the one they eventually fit. Which explains 2.

4. Missy Woo has inherited my high instep. See 3.

5. Monkey doesn't care what his school shoes look like, so long as they have an association with a character or dinosaur.

6. Missy Woo cares very much what her shoes look like. Too much.

7. Missy Woo has no colour co-ordination. She is dazzled by it - the more colour, the better.

8. In the future, Missy Woo is going to cost me a lot of money in clothes.

9. Monkey claims not to be bothered, but secretly he likes to dress up smart.

10. Monkey looks swamped in jackets, even if they fit him.

11. On the other hand, waistcoats suit him.

12. Monkey has a longer body but shorter legs.

13. Monkey therefore doesn't fit suit sets. He fits trousers in one size, and shirts, jackets or waistcoats in another.

14. Shopping for a wedding outfit for a 7 year old boy is nigh on impossible because they don't get that they need to try things on to see if they fit.

15. Shopping for a wedding outfit for a 7 year old boy straight after school shoe shopping is a bad, bad idea.

16. The children love The Great British Bake Off so much that they get excited when they see the books in shops. So much so that they were moved to shout, "Mary Berry! The queen of baking!"

17. I have forgotten how much I love reading. Henning Mankell books especially.

18. When I read Wallander books now, the people I picture in my head are the ones who played the characters in the Swedish series.

19. Monkey really is ruled by his stomach and comes home from playing with friends when he is hungry by and large.

20. What excites and intrigues the children most when going away on a trip is not where we are going but the sticker books they get to play with on the way.

Why??

Photo credit - immrchris

In order to ease myself back into blogging (if you don't use it, you lose it and I seem to have lost a few blogging muscles recently!), I have got myself tagged in a meme to make me get my finger out and write. It doesn't really help that I have quite a bit of work on at present and my head is full of other people's words as one of my assignments is typing up a manuscript over 25,000 words long.

Anyway, I was tagged by Very Bored in Catalunya to take part in this one, originating from the good ladies at Mummy Central. The idea is to turn the tables on your children, who constantly ask why (and God knows, my two do) and have your own vent.

Here goes.

Why do you wake up so early the morning after we've let you stay up late?

Why do I send you to find something, only for you to come back and say you can't find it, yet I find it straight away when I go to look?

Why do you squirrel things away in your school bag in the hope I won't notice when I can tell just from picking it up what it's got in it?

Why do you want a toy every time you enter any retail establishment, whine or stamp your feet if I say no, but if I say yes, you play with it for an hour then never touch it again?

Why can I not go to bed and sleep earlier in the night so I can get a decent night's sleep and get up at a reasonable time?

Why do you not want to hug me until I want to sit down and get on my laptop, then you insist on sitting right up close to me and lean over my shoulder?

Why, when you go out to play, do you come in and go back out again several times an hour until it's time for tea, or bath, or bed?

Why do you only want food when you don't have anyone to play with?

Why are you complete angels at school and the teachers not recognise the children I describe when I tell them what you are like at home? Why can't you be angels for me?

Why can't you learn to shut doors, turn lights off, wash hands, flush toilets and tidy rooms without me having to remind you every two minutes?

Why do I have to start every day you're at school by clearing up the mess you have made in the living room?

Why are you last out of school on the days we have to be somewhere by 4, but first out if we have nowhere to go?

Why do you spend all day complaining that Daddy is not here but once he's home, only want me?

That's better. I feel cleansed.

Do you want a go? I'm tagging a few people but *hangs head in shame* I've not quite reached the requisite 5 so I might get told off! Here are the guidelines:

1. Post your whys – as few or as many as you like.
2. Link up your post below, and it would be great if you could leave a comment too.
3. Tag 5 bloggers to keep this going.
4. If you’re not a blogger, leave your whys as a comment below. We’d love to read them.
5. Show your support by reading a few others and commenting on them.

So, my taggees are:

Sally from Who's the Mummy?

Sonia from This Mummy Loves

Rachel from Mummyglitzer

Dave from The Big Div

And if you want to be a fifth, just tag yourself. What are you waiting for?

So what can you do if you don't get the primary school you wanted?

Photo credit - msegura

All throughout April, parents of children who are due to start school in the next academic year have been nervously waiting to find out which school has a place for their child. By the end of this week, I think pretty much everyone in England should know their fate.

Whatever you read, the majority of parents do get a place for their child at their first choice school. It varies a lot according to the local situation but most areas have sufficient places.

But what if you don't? Although it didn't happen to me, I can imagine it's pretty gut-wrenching and upsetting to find that you haven't got the school you wanted. It can feel like the end of the world, probably made even worse by others getting what they want.

It isn't the end of the world. There are various things you can do. Please remember I write this as a parent and it is stuff I learned from the experiences of others I know who went through similar. It's just suggestions and tips. Always check local arrangements with your local authority.

Do you appeal?

Most people's reaction  is to consider an appeal. Others are likely to recommend it, and it seems like your opportunity to put your case. However, you do need to think carefully before you appeal as it is not straightforward at all. What complicates it is the law says that infant class sizes (basically, the first 3 years in school) cannot be greater than 30. If a school is already full and classes are already 30, an appeal is likely to fail although there are a few exceptions that will override the law. These require you to prove that you would have got a place if the admissions process was properly implemented - in other words, they made a mistake at some point, or that you would have got a place if the admissions process had followed the School Admissions Code. The other exception is that refusing you a place was not a decision that a "reasonable authority" would have made. All of these require some effort and can be quite hard to prove unless you are sure a mistake has been made. It is possible to do, but the hearing might not be until the summer, and the result not known for a few days after that. If you can prove your case, they will have to award you a place, even if the infant class size is exceeded.

The decision whether to appeal is very personal. Many decide to appeal, then find out what's involved and withdraw. What does happen is that the admissions body will send you all the information relating to your appeal before the hearing which gives you time to prepare your case or decide whether to take it further. At a hearing, the admissions body will be given chance to state why they didn't give you a place, then it will be your turn to do the same. Your case will need to concentrate on the decision to refuse you a place. Personal circumstances (unless this is something you were relying on in your original application) will not be taken into account. I can ramble on about this for hours so if you want to know more, please do get in touch with me.

Is there anything else you can do if you decide not to appeal?

The first thing to remember is that you do not have to accept the place you've been offered if you really don't want it. The local authority will provide you with a list of schools who do have places available. It's also worth contacting the school(s) that didn't offer you a place and ask for your child to be placed on their waiting list - there will be a lot of movement as people decide they don't need the place,  move areas or even emigrate. The school will place you in the list according to the same admissions criteria, but they will also be able to tell you what position in the list you hold. Most schools will operate waiting lists until the start of the school year but some keep them for longer.

Even if you are putting in an appeal, it is worth putting in some effort to go and see other schools, whether that is the school you've been offered or others that you've been told have places available. Because there may be a number of parents in the same position, you'll probably be given a deadline to express a preference for another school and then you will be told if you have a place. Having a place sorted out is a good insurance policy if your appeal is not successful, and it's worth noting that doing so will not affect your appeal. It may mean that your child starts settling in sessions at a school they ultimately don't attend but it is probably better than not doing so.

If none of these avenues provide any joy, you may take the ultimate sanction of not accepting a place anywhere. Remember that, in England at least, no child has to attend school until the term after they turn 5. Even with the oldest children in the year born between September and December, that means they don't have to go to school until January. A January to April child wouldn't have to start school until after the Easter holidays and any child younger than that wouldn't have to start school until the start of Year 1 (although they will miss Reception altogether if this is the case). In that time, it is very likely that a place will become available at a school that suits you. Alternatively, you may decide to home educate which is another topic in itself. I know little about it but people like Jax who home educates her children know a lot more than me.

If your child does start at a school that you're not totally happy with, remember that nothing is forever.You may begin to feel very differently about a school once your child is a pupil there, especially if they settle in well, are happy and seem to be doing well. Places at other schools can become available at any time so even after a school stops operating a waiting list, they may still contact you to ask if you want a place or you can keep in touch with them. The decision to move a child is another personal choice and will very much depend on the child. Generally speaking, younger children seem to adapt better than older ones, but if your child took a while to settle at school and is now happy, you may feel that it's not worth the upheaval of moving them again.

What if you're applying next year and this post terrifies you?

For a start, don't panic. As I said at the start, the majority of parents get their first choice; many more get one of their top choices and are happy with what they are offered. There are a few things you can do to improve your chances of getting a fair outcome. Take care because you will hear a lot of anecdotes from parents of older children of what worked for them but things are very different now (and anyway, they may have worked for them than for the reason they suggest).

First, use all your preferences when applying. Some people still believe that only applying for one school will guarantee them a place. Some thinks it underlines how much they want that school and that the local council will HAVE to give them that school. This is not the case. If you only apply for one school, you'll be treated the same as other parents. If there is no place available for you, the council will find you a place at the nearest available school, which could be a long way from home if places are at a premium, or it might not be a school you're happy with. The way to have some control over your destiny is to apply for as many as you're allowed - the minimum is usually 3 but some areas allow more choices to be made.

Secondly, talk to the schools and understand their admissions policies. Most voluntary aided faith schools (and academies) will have their own admissions criteria which are different to community and voluntary controlled schools. Faith schools usually give top priority to those who attend a local church regularly or those who have their children baptised. If you haven't looked already, it may already be too late to start attending church as the qualification period usually ends in the September before you apply. It may not be a problem but a school will be able to give you an idea how likely it is you could get a place without it. Personally I wouldn't attend church for this reason, and if you're the same, this may affect your decision whether to apply to such a school if it is usually oversubscribed. Also, if your local authority operates catchment areas, understand how they affect you and your choices - applying to an oversubscribed school from out of catchment may be risky and may become even harder when it comes to applying for younger siblings, especially if they are not given priority over children in catchment area.

Next, don't discount any school until you have seen it for yourself. I can't stress this enough - only you know what suits your child and no-one else can judge if a school is right for them. Keep an open mind throughout.

Finally, don't panic. If it doesn't work out for you, then come back to this post next year.


My final thought is this - everything will turn out alright in the end. If it's not alright, it's not the end. Not getting the place you'd hoped for is not the end. It's just the start.

Good luck!

A trio of cheesy grins

Do you remember a few weeks ago, I wrote about going in to school to have school dinner with the children for Mother's Day? Well, I forgot to share this picture, taken on my phone at the lunch by another mum, my friend Tracy and given a bit of a fancy edit by me.

I dunno where the children get those cheesy grins from! Do you think they were excited?

This is one of the last photographs I have of Missy Woo with her front baby teeth, and my hair is shorter now. This photo is already a memory to keep and to treasure, remembering times past.

How do you teach children to stand up for themselves?

Photo credit - lusi

Since Monkey was small, we have taught him to walk away from trouble. To be fair to him, unless it's his sister, if another child has hit him, or snatched a toy from him, he's stood there and look mystified but as the time for him to start school approached, we made sure he knew that retaliation was not good.

He's never had a problem at school. There have been the odd occasion when a child has hit him but all he has done is tell the nearest appropriate adult and it hasn't been repeated. The school stress their zero tolerance for bullying and I know he feels comfortable telling me there's been a problem or telling a member of staff at school.

But lately, I've been wondering - at what point do I teach him to stand up for himself and to do that without resorting to physical violence? Over the last year, I've noticed that there is an older boy who lives nearby that makes him feel very uncomfortable and whilst not actually bullying him, has hit other children that he knows and has been nasty to him. Most of the time, he has avoided him and told me about any problems he's had with him. Until now, I've told him to stay away.

But last week during the holidays, he went to the park around the corner with Missy Woo and this boy was there. The boy asked him who his girlfriend was. Instead of saying, "She's my sister," and carry on normally, he came home again.

At some point, I think he will probably have to be able to stand his ground, and learn when to do that and when to walk away. I don't want him to be cowed by any type of bully, be that physical or verbal and yes, it is probably right to walk away from someone who is being, or threatening to be, violent but not to someone who's just being mean. When should that be, and how do I start to teach him that skill or wisdom to know the difference between the two? My worry is that school is so supportive about dealing with bullying behaviour that they don't really know how to deal with it when it crops up in other situations. Not that I want him to be bullied; I just need to teach him how to handle himself without having to raise his fists. I don't want him to get in trouble - he probably won't but it's always a risk - and I don't want him to get a reputation with other children or their parents.

Do you have any advice for me? How have you dealt with this tricky area of parenting? How best can I support him - and ultimately, Missy Woo too? I'd love you to share your collective wisdom with me. Please do so in the comments below because I am sure I am not the only parent bothered by this. Thank you. 


*Edit* If you've enjoyed this post and others on my blog, would you like to nominate me for a MAD Blog Award? Nominations close this week and I've already been nominated in a few categories, although I'm probably a best fit for the Schooldays and Family Life categories. If you would like to nominate me, click on the badge and fill out the form on the Nominate page. Thank you and thanks for all the lovely nominations so far.

School holidays - a break for who again?

Planning how to drive me mad next

Much as it's nice not to have to dash around at 8.30am and 3.20pm every weekday during the school holidays,  we're reaching that point where we've been in each other's company a little too much. Little niggles between the children that started as storms in a teacup are beginning to escalate into major fallouts, constant requests for squash/chocolate/ice-cream/more chocolate/toys, and a desire to make every day special (because of course, it is a holiday) and therefore resisting the usual routine of bedtimes, meals and everyday life. They all conspire to ensure we begin to grate on each other a bit. I know it's a break for the children, but not so much for me.

Thankfully, the weather hasn't been as bad as expected this week, if you ignore Monday when it rained all day and I spent most of the day cleaning the house with, or more accurately, in spite of their help. This means the children can play out with their friends on our road or the next road. Although I seem to spend some days shouting "Door!" every ten minutes as they fling it open wide to return for drinks/meals/toilet visits or deposit sporting equipment as they change games or playmates, I quite enjoy the breaks; they're like little oases of peace, punctuated by a child bursting through the door.

I realised yesterday that the children have begun to figure this out for themselves that I might actually enjoy this. The children were trying to decide what to do when Monkey turned to me and said, "We're going outside, Mummy. We'll leave you in peace," and went out of the door, taking Missy Woo with him.

Is it wrong I went straight to make a coffee?

Doing housework with your children - some dos and don'ts

DO


Give them a duster and polish when they say they want to do the dusting whilst you're still doing the kitchen. You'll love it when they come back 15 minutes later with a now empty can of polish and two sodden dusters.

Allow them to have a go at vacuuming upstairs whilst you continue downstairs. They won't make the spare room a worse mess at all trying to get it out. Their screams and giggles will suggest they're having a great time, not trying to administer death by suction.

Actually check what they have claimed to have done. Their attention spans are short and so the fourth room they claim to have dusted might still be quite dusty. Or not dusted at all.

Give them different jobs to do. One can be happily assigned to asking constant questions, whilst the other can be assigned to mucking up the task in hand. This will ensure the chores will get done in half the time. Or maybe twice.

DON'T

Set a time limit for finishing the job. Housework is a good way to fill a whole rainy day and keep your children amused.

Supervise them too closely as this will give them a sense of independence. Also known as slacking off what you've just asked them to do.

Offer bribes to get them to help you. Children are usually willing participants. Oh, but there is chocolate. (Don't mention it's their own Easter eggs...)

Forget to have a plentiful supply of tea, coffee and biscuits. For you. (Oh, and wine in the fridge for later.)

And finally...

DO worry if they simultaneously go quiet for more than 30 seconds and a television, smartphone or computer is not involved. (This applies to all parenting, not just housework!)

Photo credit - lusi

Getting the golfing bug

This is a sponsored guest post. Stick with it though as it makes some interesting points about getting children into golf. Monkey is just getting into golf, is now the proud owner of two golf clubs and wants to go to lessons.

Photo credit - jhonnyt

Nowadays it is getting harder and harder to entice your children into the outside world and away from all the suffocating technology of the house. With more and more children suffering from obesity in the United Kingdom, there has never been a better time to strap golf equipment onto their backs and introduce them to the amazing world of golf.

Quite often people are put off golf, as the overall consensus is that golf is a sport for the well off or retired. However, with golf equipment becoming cheaper as the days pass and community golf courses springing up across the country, this could not be further from the truth.

Besides this, most people find it best to start teaching children about golf within their very own back garden, or if this isn’t an option, in the local park. Here you are given an unlimited amount of time to teach putting and really making sure that your children are getting a grip of the club. Of course, once the putting is sorted, it is time to move onto the most exciting part – the swing.

Throughout the United Kingdom and often attached to golf courses, there are golfing ranges where you are able to practice and teach your child how to well and truly hit a ball. Here, like the park there are usually no time restrictions, as you pay by the ball, meaning that you have all the time in the world to teach your young one the ways of the golf club.

Of course, once you are confident that your youngling is ready to set foot on the golf course itself, there are golf courses all around the country that are happy to accept new people, young and old. Most communities also have the afore mentioned community golf courses. This means that instead of paying annual fees (although this can be an option), you can instead pay by the round, as this is a great way of introducing your child into golf; once you have both decided that golf is the sport for you, it is then time to consider monthly, or even yearly membership fees.

For just about anyone in the golfing world, a full 18 holes can be quite daunting. That is why it is often best to start playing in halves, either by playing the front nine, or back nine.

A front nine consists of the first nine holes of a golf course and is often the way to start as a full 18 holes can be very tiring for a beginner. If the mood suits, you can quite often play what is known as the ‘back nine’ although this is less popular than playing holes 1-9.

The benefits of introducing your children to the sport can be huge. Not only is it a healthy and productive sport but golf also teaches children about patience and respect to other people. Whereas most sport revolves around disadvantaging your opponents, golf revolves around deducting yourself and being truthful to others. What better ethos could you teach your children than this? With lessons that can be used for a lifetime, golf is a sport that can carry a person throughout their entire life and is often a popular sport at work.

But of course, that is years away, what you need to focus on now is the fun and enjoyment of the sport. Why not try by taking your son or daughter out on a day at the nearest crazy golf course? This could be a great introduction into golf in general and a place where you can plant the idea of the sport into their minds. You never know, the person currently trying to whack the ball under the scary clown could just well be the next Tiger Woods.

(I have been paid a fee to publish this post). 

Why I will no longer apologise for being proud of my children

Photo credit - msegura

Last week was Parents Evening, and I'm pleased to report it was all good for both children. Very good, in fact. I mentioned it on Twitter but I held back from blogging about it, until now.

I put it on my Facebook status and then I saw someone tweeting about how they hate all the smug updates about how everyone's little darlings are doing so well at such times, and that not all the children can't ALL be nice and polite. It niggled. First, because it intimated that teachers issue platitudes they don't really believe, and secondly, it suggested that it was wrong to be proud of our children.

The main reason I put it on Facebook is that it is the main way we keep up to date with family. We have family spread from Cumbria to Devon, plus another that spends half his time abroad. We have friends around the world who know my kids and like to hear how they are getting on. I'm sorry if that's wrong but if I didn't put it on my status, I'd have to type it out several times over.

I know the teachers were genuine in their praise when we went. It rather astonishes me that Monkey's teacher cannot say a bad word about him. She gave him As for effort rather than A*s because she wants him to keep trying and told us "Really, he's excellent (but don't tell him I said that!)". I knew he had done well in his reading test because she told me a month ago that he had come top of the class in a very hard reading test, having only got one question wrong. Missy Woo's teacher was honest with us too - and said her only fault was she could get a little too chatty if she sat next to the wrong person, but that she was always mortified if teacher had to have a word with her.The children they spoke of were recognisable as my children, albeit the immaculately behaved version they reserve for school hours.

These teachers weren't lying. I would know if they were and I'm certainly not lying either.Yes, they are good kids but they are not angels; they are just normal kids who have their moments, and thankfully, the good outweighs the bad. Both children are already at, or beyond, where they are expected to be by the end of the school year. Their teachers expect they will move up further during the next term - Monkey's teacher expects his reading to be that expected of a child finishing Year 4. He's in Year 2. Missy Woo is expected to be at the standard of a child in Year 2, a full year ahead of herself. Those facts blew me away. In fact, it still does.

But why is it wrong to be proud of this? They have both worked hard and tried their best in class and know we expect that of them. We do not push them, we encourage them - we read with them and do spellings as requested by school but the rest of the time anything we do with them is spontaneous. Why can't I be proud that they both try their best and are progressing so well? That they both love to read, to write and to add up? That they both love learning?

I accept there is a fine line between pride and boastfulness. When the children were babies, I avoided the Baby Olympics. I was open-mouthed when some parents were displeased that a friend's baby was ahead of theirs. One even told me she was worried her daughter wasn't walking - she wasn't even a year old. And yes, I talk about my kids, but never in a my-child-is-better-than-yours kind of way - they're just different, with their own personalities, strengths and weaknesses.

My children are my life. Their care and upbringing takes up the most time in my daily routine and it's been that way for the last 7 years. I think we've done a good job so far. If I can't be proud of that, what can I be proud of? I've had enough -  I am reserving the right to speak up when there is good news to report. From now on, I'm going to be a proud mummy and be unapologetic about tt. I won't bang on about my children endlessly but I will celebrate their achievements. I want my children to know that I am proud of them (which they do, I hope) but I want them to know it's OK to be proud in a gracious way, especially when it is something they have worked hard for.

I want other parents to join me, to demonstrate that pride in your children is a good thing. I've even made a badge to display on your blog, to show that you are proud and don't feel the need to apologise for that. Feel free to grab the code to do so, to put on a post or a sidebar. I'd love to know what you think about it, either in the comments or in your own post - what makes you proud about your kids? How have they made you proud recently? Is parental pride a good thing and when is it ever bad? If enough people write in response to this, I'll open a linky but I won't if there isn't a demand for it.

<a href="http://thefivefsblog.blogspot.co.uk/" target="_blank"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKN_fUBGGa9OBhFhgky24uevpylg2gjtuiXI8vfdZM0oDYGk8CMsry_lBjjQKnGZ5lD4-QoCBBi3n5Za9ZkdRKqCjOnrhz6DI1QNX23-CYNV3Vd_H6bltbvrhiZ8aJjp9_CC9a-5IPxma4/s1600/ppcblogbadge2.jpg" border="0" alt="The Five Fs" /></a>

Let's show everyone we are proud of our kids - we've spent ages growing and nurturing them, we have every right to be. In doing this, I'm hoping our kids learn pride in themselves - how to experience it and handle it, without losing friends over it. Mostly, I just want them to know people ARE proud of them because, God knows, children and young people take enough stick these days, and not a lot of it is justified.

Half grand, that's me.

I don't write controversy - we've been there before.

I don't generally write funny posts. Whatever anyone says, it's a lot LOT harder to write funny stuff regularly than you might think. Meet me in real life and I will be funny occasionally, but the act of writing it makes it all sound a bit trite and unfunny. Hats off to anyone that manages to write genuinely funny posts regularly.

I don't do fabulous photography that makes people go "Ooh" and "Ahh". Possibly, it's because I don't have the patience to set it all up to create that effect. I am very much a "point and shoot" kinda gal. Which is a problem when I'm trying to make my food look fantastic,which of course it is *cough*, and it ends up looking ordinary.

Getting through family car journeys

Today's post is a guest post by the Sainsbury's Finance Blog team. They have recently invited me to join the Sainsbury’s Bank Family Blogger Network and have offered me this post. Please see the disclosure at the end of this post for further information.

There’s nothing quite like the excitement of going on holiday. Maybe you’ll soon be camping in France with your family ... but first you have to get through an eight hour road trip in a confined space, without World War Three breaking out!

With that in mind, here are our tips for staying sane on car journeys with your loved ones.

Why is it so much easier with only one?

Partners in crime

People thought I was mad when I had two children only 16 months apart. I never saw it that way because they had such similar needs. One was hard work anyway and it didn't take much more to meet the needs of the other. As an added bonus, they slept at the same time at least once a day mostly so I got a break.

It seems to have got worse as they have got older. Now they are both at school, it should be a doddle but the period between school pick up and their bedtime, even if we have nothing on, is really stressful, especially when I'm on my own with them. It's not that they argue or fight but they seem to tag team me, pestering me in turns. Even if I offer them things, you can guarantee they will ask me for something the second I sit down. The hours pass in a whirl of readings, spellings, making and eating tea, a little time for playing or watching telly, bath time and then catching up with Daddy when he gets home.

Somehow, it seems that it's now much much easier when there is only one child at home. It's not even as if they fight. Take this week - Missy Woo was off to her friend's for tea, so it was just me and Monkey after I school. In the past, he's been known for walking out of school and in the few paces (and seconds) between the classroom and me, he would turn from the angel Gabriel to the devil incarnate. In that time, he would come up with the most unreasonable demands - he'd want to go to the playcentre we went to only yesterday, he'd want chocolate even though he'd had loads, he'd want his Daddy even though he knew he was at work. I swear he did it just to be able to have a massive tantrum. The child who has never been told off at school ever would turn on a sixpence. Admittedly, he's got better since he stopped being so tired after a day at school but boy, was it fun. Not. I would be the parent resorting to dragging my child, red-faced and screaming, across the playground, under the gaze of parents who were mostly offering up a silent prayer of thanks that it was not their child creating this scene.

I picked him up this particular afternoon and as we walked back to the car, he asked if he could play computer games when we got home. This is often another flashpoint as my stock answer is to say he can, once he's done his reading and spellings (which takes 15 minutes tops). In fact, he usually spends so long arguing with me over this, he could have done it all in the time and be playing. I remind him he needs to do this, especially as for some reason, his teacher had taken his homework folder away and not given it back for two days and brace myself for the usual outburst. "Oh yeah", he calmly says and gets in the car. Whoa!

I made him toast, which he ate and then we set to work on the spellings, which he did in seconds and we sat down to do his reading, which turned out to be a book he's been gazing at for months but now he is on the appropriate reading level, he is allowed to read. He happily read several today, whereas the day before, he'd been sent to bed early for arguing with me over reading and wouldn't read his book properly. We talked about it, until he suddenly said "Can I play now?" and I saw no reason to refuse. Every time I asked a question, he politely answered or if I asked him to do something, he replied "Yes, Mummy" where I would usually get a curt "No" or a whiney "Do I have to?". He did get himself in a tizz over eating his tea and continuing his game until I pointed out it would wait until he'd finished, and possibly missing Pointless.

Oh yes, Pointless. Monkey loves it with a passion. It appeals to his geeky side. He doesn't know most of the answers but he knows I can have a go and he often asks me if the answer the contestants have given are right. I must admit, I like it too, but not quite as obsessively as he does. I mean, we were even at a friend's house last week when 5.15 rolled around and he walked up to my friend and asked if he could watch it when he had friends his own age to play with. She put it on for him and was amazed that he followed it intently from start to finish.

We watched Pointless together, with him sat right next to me. It seems like these days, the only way I get true affection out of him is when he's going to bed or we are on our own together. He's already at the point where he won't be seen kissing, hugging or even holding my hand (the latter only if I insist for safety reasons) in public.

It was lovely. It was so lovely in fact, I was even moved to ask him why he isn't like this more, when Missy Woo is around. His answer? "Well, Missy Woo annoys me." Now, I don't believe that for a minute. She is definitely the calmer of the two, if a little giddy at times, and most of his arguments are with me and nothing to do with her. She might egg him on to be silly a bit and the same is true of him, but I can't figure it out. It is not that I don't give him attention when she is there, nor do I ignore her when he is around. They aren't competing for my attention as they either play together or they do their own things.

I had such a nice time that I almost didn't want to go and collect Missy Woo, but as it was so close to bedtime, I didn't have to deal with grumpy children. And no doubt, tomorrow, normal service will be resumed and he'll be arguing with me from the second I pick him up unless he totally gets his own way.

Maybe it's the rule of divide and conquer. I've focussed on Monkey because he is often the harder work when they are together - Missy is mostly angelic, but more likely to be sulky. She's working on her diva training for I had the first "I hate you!" shouted at me by her the other week (although she told me she loved me within half an hour.). But one thing is for sure; I don't know what it is, but one child instead of two in the house is less than half the work - and stress - for me. I really appreciate the one-to-one time I get with either child.Whatever it is that makes them so wonderful in that situation, it brings out the best in them.

And it reminds me why I love my children.