Fill in the blanks

A couple of lovely bloggers tagged me in this meme called Fill in the Blanks. All you do is.... fill in the blanks. Doh! Sounds easy, doesn't it? Then I read their posts in detail. First was Clare at A Slice of Life who wrote an immensely brave and candid post about some of the struggles she has faced. Then, my dear friend Garry from Blog Up North wrote an honest and analytical post about how he sees himself and his character. Gulp. Realising this is more introspective than it looks, I'd been giving some thought to this for a while so here goes...

Photo credit: Ale Paiva

I am ..... a kaleidoscope. I gave this a lot of thought and realised I am or I have been many, many things. I was the career woman, now I am mother, blogger, housewife, volunteer and governor (elect, I haven't done anything yet). A kaleidoscope describes me because even in my working life, I had to adapt pretty quickly, having being dropped in the deep end a lot and it mostly turned out well. So, like a kaleidoscope, turn me and I'll change, the pieces will shift around and fall into a new pattern, hopefully as good as the last one.

The bravest thing I’ve ever done… is a toughie. I don't think of anything I've done is particularly brave. I once helped "save" a woman who had taken an overdose along with my ex but she flagged us to stop as we were driving through the New Forest but that's not particularly brave, we just took her to a police station. I've never been a great flyer and yet, I still get on planes because I know I have to do it if I want to see the world, and I am a lot better now at flying. People thought I was "brave" when I had a massive post-partum haemorrhage after Missy Woo was born but to be honest, I did nothing (except bleed, of course) and it was dealt with pretty calmly and professionally by the midwives and doctors. I never really felt any ill-effects nor did I need a blood transfusion - although the midwives failed to believe me and kept testing my iron levels. I've yet to do anything truly brave.

Photo credit: geri jean

I feel prettiest when... I feel confident in my own appearance. Wearing certain clothes always make me feel good about how I look (although I'm not sure the word you could use about me is "pretty") and losing weight to be the size I want to be certainly helps. I do like a good compliment too. Knowing someone else thinks I look good makes a huge difference to how I feel myself. Yes, I'm easily pleased. And I still don't like most photographs taken of me. I'm rarely happy with them. 

Something that keeps me awake at night is… not a lot these days. Insomnia can sometimes keep me awake but only if I go to bed before I feel tired. Generally, I go to bed only when I'm tired and this can be very late into the night, but it does mean I fall asleep quickly. Just occasionally, my head will be buzzing with things I've been doing and plans I'm making which will keep me from falling asleep. But not often.

My favourite meal is... whatever I'm eating today. I love food so choosing one favourite would be really hard. I've eaten some fantastic meals - like half a chicken with half a lobster and rice at the "roof top" restaurant at El Corte Inglés in the middle of Barcelona. Another that sticks in my mind is the first time we had patatas bravas in Valencia. (We'd had them before, just not in Valencia). It had garlic mayonnaise on top of the crispy fried potatoes and was topped with serrano ham. I was in food heaven. And then, there was the 10 course tasting menu I had for my birthday in January. Or the fantastic lunch we had at Parkers Arms on Valentine's Day where I had - amongst other things - a dark chocolate and peanut butter cheesecake, which was utterly divine. Oh, and the Thai Coconut Chicken I have every time I meet my friend for lunch at Moka in Preston. I could have all of those things again. But ask me to choose a total favourite? No way! (I may have gone off on one just then... good job no-one noticed.)

The way to my heart is... by making me laugh, making me feel good about myself and showing me that you care. I guess laughter is linked to feeling good as well, but I am fairly self-critical and don't rate myself highly at many things so having people that make me feel good and who care about me is quite important. Give me those three things with an added dash of respect, throw in the hugs for good measure, and I'll put up with most things.

I would like to be... good at everything I do, and always trying my best. I would like to be more confident, a better mother, a better blogger, slimmer, fitter; you name it, I'd like it. I'd also like to have some of my old life back and be earning more regularly so that I can stop worrying about money and give the children occasional treats without thinking too hard or scraping everything together. Is that too much to ask? 

And now, it's my turn to tag a few bloggers to carry this on and have their own bash at filling in the blanks. 

They are:

Northern Heckler

Nickie at Typecast

Grumpyish Mum

Cass at Surfacing

Sharron at Chocolate is Therapy

If you're not tagged, feel free to tag yourself and link back in the comments. 

All change?

These last two weeks have felt like a bit of a write-off. Missy Woo has been on half days at school so I've mostly done the school run three times every day. It shouldn't be that bad - school is a 5 minute car journey away - but only having 9-12 or 1-3.30 free, your day seems to fly by in a flurry of school bags, getting children ready, with your free time flying by even faster. Today, I got home at 1.15, prepared some things for tea, put away some washing, made a couple of phone calls, sat down for a break and it was nearly time to go back to school again.

Thankfully, that ends Monday when she goes full-time. Which leaves me at home all day every day with 6.5 hours to kill. I'm not complaining. I shall be making the most of not having to clockwatch every day for a while. I feel like I've been chained to home these last two weeks but I do appreciate that others end up doing this for longer so I'm not going to complain about it.

But a comment by Julia on this post last week gave me a bit of a push. She asked me what plans I had made in those 3 day to which my answer was none - for reasons I've already described. But it made me realise that now is the time for me to get on with it. To make plans and carry them out. To set myself some goals and set about achieving them. To find my way onto a path instead of ambling about. To start being me a bit more often, rather than someone's mummy. And that's proving to be quite scary. Not that that will stop me; I've been out of my comfort zone many times.

I have some vague ideas in my head about what I'm going to do and I've been working on them. For instance, I've applied for some part time jobs; I have an interview for one at the end of the month and am still waiting to hear from the other as applications close today. I'm still working on my fitness and healthy eating with my aim to reach a size 12 by Christmas, which should be achievable. There are other things I want to do too - some things I want to change, some things I want to start doing. I've blogged about this before and have spent time mulling things over in my head ever since. I think I know where I want to go with them now, so they will be an important feature of the plans I'm going to make for myself.

Nothing, as yet, is written in stone but I need to set something to aim for to get me started. I'm blogging about it now to remind myself that the time IS now to do these things, so that I don't drift. This post will be here, nagging away at me, reminding me to get on with working out what it is I want, making those plans and putting them into action. My children are starting on a long road whereas I'm at a crossroads really.

The time is now. I'm a little scared, but wish me luck.

Photo credit: Redvers

If you are at the same point as me and are about to make changes in your life, big or small, feel free to leave a comment and share them with me and my lovely readers. Add a linky if you like if you've blogged about it. Thanks.

When you were young...

I got tagged again by Garry from Blog Up North - in its new home, if you haven't already noticed - to talk about what I wanted to be when I was young and why.

The story starts with a bit of background. My older sister taught me to read when I was 2. Yes, you read that right. Two. Two?! I can hardly believe that myself but that's what happened. I might have been nearer 3 but I was definitely still 2. By the time I started school at 4, words were not a mystery to me.

Now, I am old and when I started school, the ITA was all the rage in teaching children to read. You had to learn the special symbols and read all the books before you went on to the proper books, which were for some reason were called TO. (No, I've no idea why either). I guess it was supposed to take a while to get through them; maybe a term or two. I read them all in about two weeks and was off away on the "big" ones. By the time I was 6, I had a reading age of 10.

I loved school, so you can probably guess where this is going. I wanted to be a teacher. I loved showing people how to do things, and I seemed to have a knack for working in a logical progression that was easily understood. As I got older, I remember one of the teachers at school telling me I'd make a good teacher. I coached my younger sister through her CSE Maths when she was struggling with it - a fairly frustrating experience because I lost count of the times we had the conversation about why a minus times a minus was a plus and the conversation ending with me saying "It just is!".

However, by the time I reached that stage, the enthusiasm for teaching had already waned. I don't know what it was - I think it was in part my desire to move away from school and do something completely different in a different environment. I did sciences, languages and maths at school and wanted to be a scientist (a biochemist) although the language teachers thought I'd make a good linguist as well. To appease them all, I did French as well as Biology, Chemistry and Maths at A level and applied to do a science degree. OK, actually, it was an Agricultural Science degree but it was a flexible course where you made certain choices at particular stages so you could change if you wanted to.

In the time I was there, I learned enough about Biochemistry to sate my curiosity for it and my interest in it waned. I didn't want to do research stuck inside a lab all day long although my final year dissertation was actually a comparative feeding trial of ducks and chicks, which largely had me collecting chicken and duck poo, grinding it up and analysing it for various nutrients. Very few options were open to me specific to my degree as the traditional route of working for what was then MAFF was not available as I graduated so I went and got a job in Accountancy - sounds mad I know, but I was good at Maths, remember?

That lasted six months. I liked doing the accounting bit - it was the audit that I found mind-numbingly boring. I moved to a different part of the country and got myself a job in IT, working on a helpdesk. IT was still a pretty new industry then and the company I went to work for wanted people who understood accounts to help their users of their systems. I was apparently perfect and they trained me in the IT side of things.

Working in IT support allowed me an outlet to teach and explain things again. I have also trained people how to use various applications over the years and that is very similar to teaching So, in a way, I ended up teaching but in a different place.

Since I left my IT job in 2009, I have completed a course which qualifies me to teach to adults and I have looked at getting work in that field. However, with things as they are, teaching hours are very hard to come by and so far, I haven't managed to get casual teaching work. I loved the course, although it was a little hard going at times, and I really enjoyed preparing and doing the teaching assessments that I had to complete to pass the course. I've used my teaching skills in my volunteering as I often have to teach new treasurers how to do their role and use accounting software - which takes me back to my first IT job! I keep going full circle, it seems.

Garry also posed another question on his blog: When you look into the mirror, do you see the person you hoped you’d become? Or something better? Or worse? My answer to that is I am now a mother and I thought I would probably never become one. That, to me at the moment, is the most important thing I've achieved. So, yes, it has turned out for the good - even if it is an unpaid job. It is a job I relish in and I teach my children something new every day. I've enjoyed all the jobs I've had, with one notable exception which didn't last long and I got out of for the good of my health. So I guess I've been lucky and that it demonstrates I took the right path.

I'd now like to tag some more people to continue Garry's meme....

They are:

Julia at What Will Julia Do Next? (and do check out her new blog The Head's Office)
Joanna at At Home with Mrs M
Sally at Who's the Mummy?
and Dawnie at Dawnie Brown

but do feel free to join in by commenting below, or even writing a post of your own and linking to it in the comments. Whether we achieved our childhood dreams or not, we are where we are, probably with good reason. And if you're still not where you want to be, we all need to remember there is still time to get there and it's never too late to dream. Cod psychology over, that is my thought for the day.