Blocked.

I just tried writing a post to explain whilst I'm not blogging much.

It turned into a rant, a passive aggressive one at people who would probably never read this post, and to publish it would probably not  be all that helpful. So I hit delete and started again. 

This is it. Things aren't really going to plan at the moment and things I've been hoping to happen have been put off. And in the meantime, I'm in limbo. Blocked, if you like. 

It's very very frustrating. I want to write about good things, nice things, a flying start to the year. And I can't. I'm waiting, waiting, waiting. Hopes held, hopes dashed. Frustration, anger, sadness. More waiting. 

Blocked. 

Bear with me. My blogging mojo has taken a huge hit because of it. I like to blog about positive, nice things. I don't avoid less happy posts but I can't blog about this stuff at the moment. 

All I have to do for now is grit my teeth, carry on and maybe fight my corner. 

And maybe soon, I'll be unblocked. 

Then normal service can resume. 

Catch you soon. 

Oh yes, 2013 then. Looking forward, not back.

Photo credit - Joseph Hart

I am not big on New Year's resolutions so there will be none of that from me. I have goals I've set myself which I've already started on a while back. I set them when I'm ready to and I don't need the start of the year to do that for me. (In any case, having a birthday on the 6th precludes starting a strict diet on the 2nd!)

Things are in the pipeline and 2013 looks like it could be good. Equally, it could turn out not quite so great. At the moment, I have to stay positive, be optimistic and do what is within my control to ensure that the good  things happen rather than the bad. It's all a bit cryptic right now but hopefully, I will be able to let you know what I'm rambling on about fairly soon.

A New Year gives you the chance to look back and look forward. 2012 was a pretty good year and we had some amazing experiences. Now is the time to look forward to 2013 and make the year as good as the last one.

I've said it before but Happy New Year all.

The Olympic meme

It's been a while since I last did a question and answer meme so when Lou from Bloggomy tagged me in her Olympic meme, I had to join in. We're stupidly excited about the Olympics in this family, which is unsurprising given our love of sport.

Lou has asked nine questions for me to answer so here we go.

1. If every day tasks were Olympic events what would you get a gold medal in?
Tweeting, perhaps? On second thoughts, Hidden Talent is currently on my telly which I've found fascinating. I did some of the online tests and I got 6 out of 6 in the lie detection test so maybe I could win a gold for that too.

2. As a child (or now even) did you excel at a particular sport and if so which one?

Lord, no. I was always rubbish at sport and still am. I may be a fitness freak but I certainly do not excel.

3. Michael Phelps (swimmer) or Michael Johnson (runner) - which sport appeals to you more?

Running. I'm going to be very British here - Michael Phelps made swimming a bit boring for a while when he kept winning everything. Michael Johnson was awesome but didn't dominate in the same way whilst remaining a true champion.

4. How fast can you get out of bed and ready to go out the door if miss the alarm and sleep in?

This happened to me not long ago actually. Luckily, the children were already up and dressed but hadn't had breakfast. I woke up at 8.40 (the time we usually leave for school), jumped out of bed, threw clothes on whilst shouting the children to brush their teeth, grabbed them some fruit for breakfast, piled them in the car and dashed to school (within legal limits of course!). They walked into school at 8.54. As it takes 5 mins to drive and a couple of minutes to get out of the car etc, I reckon we got out of the house in 5 or 6 minutes. Oh, and I now set a second alarm on the phone for 8.15 in case I miss the first one!

5. What fantasy sport would you like to see made into an Olympic event?

Omelette making. I love the omelette challenge on Saturday Kitchen. It could be the 100m final of the Culinary Olympics - were there such a thing - and it would be a great topic of conversation - were they making an omelette or scrambled eggs. Imagine the controversy!

6. Claim to fame time - Have you ever met an Olympian and who was it?

Hmm. You know, I don't think I have. I have met lots of sportsmen but I don't think I've actually, knowingly, met an Olympian. Which is odd, considering so many cyclists live around here, because of our relative proximity to Manchester and the Velodrome.

7. What event in past Olympics can you remember most vividly?

I think it would have to be Kelly Holmes winning her second gold medal in Athens. Yes, I was shouting at the telly. What of it?

8. Tuning in at home, not for me or tickets clamped ready in sweaty palms?

We were lucky enough to get tickets for the football at Old Trafford. One of the sessions we picked out in May last year turns out to include a match featuring Great Britain, which is even more exciting for us all. We decided it was a trip too far to go to London with the children so the rest will be watched from home.

Edit - and our tickets arrived this morning. Even more excited now!

9. Who do you think most deserves a gold medal (any walk of life not just Olympians)?

Having just spent a long day in school as part of an interview panel to recruit a new teacher, I would have to say all teachers. They are a very underrated and sometimes beleaguered profession but they have to maintain high professional standards, have to juggle all the various aspects of their daily work and they have to jump through massive hoops just to get a job in the first place. They deserve our praise and our support but they are often an easy target.

Now I need to tag a few people to carry this on like an Olympic torch (which funnily enough, is coming to our town next week!)

They are

Kate at WitWitWoo
Helen at Casa Costello
Alice at An Essex Wife

It's that time of year again...when we all go a bit MAD!

Last year, I had an amazing experience. I mean, this blogging experience all round is pretty incredible but I was nominated and became a finalist in the MAD blog awards, went to the awards ceremony - where I promptly lost. Did I mind? Not one bit! Why? Because it was an amazing experience all round - from being dressed by John Lewis to the trip down to London for the ceremony on the hottest late September weekend that I think I can ever remember. To be recognised as one of the best was enough for me - yes, I would have loved to have won overall but in truth, and to trot out that old cliché, we were all winners.

Thing is, you see, I had such a fantastic time last year, that I'd like to go again. So, if you enjoy reading the ramblings, wittering, mots justes, pictures (maybe not - I know I'm not a great photographer), or you just think I'm great (it's a long shot I know), I'd love it if you nominated me in any of the relevant categories. You can only nominate once and you have to nominate a MAD Blogger of the Year then you can nominate in as many award categories  - or as few -  as you like. Don't forget to copy in the full URL of the blog or blogs you're nominating in each category or in the case of Blog Post of the Year, the full URL of the post.

Click on the badge to get started. Choosing who to nominate is going to be tough in some categories and I'd like to wish everyone involved the very best of luck. I can't stress enough how fantastic it was last year to be a finalist so anyone that is lucky enough to get that far is in for a real treat. 

Thank you for reading if you've got this far. I'll try to shut up about it now. I've gone a bit MAD, I think.

The case of the missing birthday present

So, yesterday was my birthday. Anyone who has an early January birthday will tell you it's a difficult time to have a birthday because you kind of get merged into Christmas. Folk either forget it, or you get an afterthought. Sometimes, you get joint Christmas and birthday presents. In my family, because I am so far from the rest of them away down south, they tend to send something with the Christmas presents - because husband often works over the Christmas period, making it difficult to go down there - and anyway, its easier to be here for Christmas.

This year was no different. My mum packed up the presents and posted them off to me, much as I had done the same. They arrived, thankfully without seemingly any interference from courier companies - as we had a year where my parcel of presents arrived at my Mum's opened but all presents thankfully intact. We checked the box straight away and because the children were excited about presents, we had to take them all out and sort them to put them under the Christmas tree. I saw some cards and I thought I put at least one saying birthday to one side. I stress the thought bit.

Anyway, Christmas came around and when we were opening presents, we found a couple of birthday cards which I gave to my husband to put to one side for him to give back to me on the day.

The morning of my birthday dawns. The children get up with Daddy and prepare breakfast in bed for me and they arrive in my room with presents and cards. After opening a few, I notice there was no card in my mother's distinctive handwriting. "Where's Mum's card?" I said. Husband looks blank and tells me they were all the cards he had been given. As she normally sends me a voucher in a card, this is a bit worrying.

We decide that perhaps it's fallen down the back of a chair somewhere. After the children had been deposited at school, husband has a look and comes to tell me we can't see it. So, we set about looking. We pull out all the furniture, and find things that have fallen down the back of the sofas. We at least know where half the pens in the house have gone, and discover things like the missing camera case and a receipt I need. We turn everything upside down.

Husband suggests I ask her whether she sent anything to me. I tell him I can't possibly do that as she'll go mad. It is something she gets very touchy about, as she frequently reminds people that once, when we were children, some money got thrown away with the wrapping paper one Christmas. Now, we'd been careful as we could over Christmas to catch all the vouchers and cards we thought but the doubt was placed in my mind that perhaps we'd thrown it out.

We carried on looking but it was fruitless, and anyway, I needed to get ready to go out for lunch. At the back of my mind, I knew that my mother would inevitably ring at some point. I decided I had better say thanks for the present anyway and disguise our apparent incompetence. I would much rather do that than suffer my ear being bent for losing it. (If you were one of my sisters, you'd understand).

And inevitably, whilst I was getting ready and husband disappeared for a shower, the phone rang and I saw it was her number. The conversation went a bit like this.

"Hello"
"Hello, happy birthday."
"Thank you."
"Did you get some nice presents?"
"Yes, thanks. And thanks for yours."
"What did I get you?"
"Er, what? Um... vouchers?"
"Which ones?"
"Erm, love2shop?"
"Oh good, I couldn't remember what I'd given you or even if I'd put it in the parcel. My operation in November threw out my Christmas shopping this year."

Damn. Oh well...

LifeCircle: Introduction

So, this week, we're just introducing ourselves. Who we are, what we're about, where we're coming from, and where we're headed. Why we're here. What we want to achieve out of joining LifeCircle. My turn first.

Hopefully, you know me, if not in person, then courtesy of this blog. I am Kate and tomorrow, I turn 47. That sounds bloody terrifying actually - more so than turning 45 or 40 etc. I am married, my husband works in the NHS. I have two lovely children, that you've probably read about before - Monkey will soon be 7 and Missy Woo will be 6 in the summer.

For over 20 years, I worked in a variety of jobs in IT. In 2009, following a TUPE transfer and seeing the writing on the wall, I took redundancy. Since then? Well, I've been at home, doing odds and bits but also being mummy to Monkey and Missy Woo. Since Missy Woo started school, I've been looking around seriously for something I can do that fits around them and it's not easy, partly because of hubby's NHS shifts which mean that if I were to get a job and arrange regular childcare, it wouldn't be necessary half the time. After not being sure what I really wanted to do, I finally decided to try and make a go of being a virtual assistant and I've been lucky enough to get work doing just that, with a slightly more technical bias thanks to my IT background. Technically, I have a business which I call Jellybean Business Support. I'm doing quite well with it - my clients are happy with my work and there is a possibility of more work based on my clients' recommendations to others. I do need to increase the chargeable hours I work so that we can put our finances on a more even keel. I don't necessarily want to be very rich, just not have to think about whether we can really afford certain things.

Why am I here and what do I want to achieve? I need that push to take me onwards in 2012. I've got stuck with losing weight and feel I'm putting weight on again so that has to stop and I need to adopt healthier eating habits, I need to promote my business a bit more and secure more work on a regular basis. I want to do some more work on the house but I need to be able to afford it first! And obviously, LifeCircle was my idea so I think it's a great way to get that group support and push myself a little bit.

Now it's your turn. Tell the world about you and what you're hoping to do this year. Did you get anything out of writing the post? Let me know in the comments if you haven't already mentioned it on your post.

Don't forget to come back on Saturday, when I'll have another task for you to tackle next week. Onwards and upwards, friends. We're off on a journey.

There are more questions than answers...

II'm regretting giving this post that title as I've been humming that tune ever since. Anyway.... I was tagged by the lovely Gemma from Storm in a K cup (more about her later) to answer the 10 questions meme. I have not done a meme in a while, if you don't count Meal Planning Monday, Life Circle or the Gallery so I thought I'd give it a go. All you have to do is answer the 10 questions, tag a few people, then return to the original post and comment so that the tagger knows you have completed your mission.

So, I'd best get on with it then!

How do you perceive me? Roll up for the One Word Meme

Another week, another tag... Lynne at honiebuk - who is also a real life NCT friend who I've known for four years - tagged me in this fantastic meme. For a change, this involves me getting you to do the hard work here. Basically, you have to sum me up in one word. The originator of this meme, Michelle from Mummy From The Heart, explains it thus:

This got me thinking about an email I received a few years back, one of those circular things that I normally hate but this one I loved and have never forgotten.  It was about the power of positive affirmations and how knowing what positive things others think of you can boost your own self-esteem.  It talked of an inspirational teacher who got all her children to write one positive word down to describe the other children in the class and then they had to hand them in.  The teacher then collated all the positive words for each child into a special sheet for them and handed it to them to read and keep.  They learnt that their peers saw them in ways they had never imagined and it had an immense effect on them.  The story goes that one of them died and a number of them attended the funeral and it was found that they all still had their lists 20 or so years later as they had been really touched by this loving gesture.  Did this really happen?  Who knows, but I love the sentiment of this story and therefore it does not matter to me if it was real.

Well, what about if us bloggers and virtual friends did something similar?  How marvellous would we all feel to learn these new facets of ourselves that we did not know existed.  Someone may say I am inspirational (another one I have heard about myself a few times recently) and me being me I would say ‘no not me’ but what have I done there?  Rubbished their opinion and that is not right, only they know if I have actually inspired them to do something.  If people are kind enough to give us a compliment we should be gracious enough to accept it…. and why not go one step further and actually go out and ask for it?

Well that is what I want us all to do.  I am creating a meme, called the 1 Word Meme and I would love for every one of us to be able to collate all the positive words left by our real life friends, virtual friends and fellow bloggers so that we each have a sheet of positive affirmations to treasure and boost our self-esteem.

We do spend our lives listening to our critical inner voices, which are sometimes so loud that it drowns out positive words from others. I'm not bad at accepting compliments, I think, but does it shut my critical inner voice up? Does it heck! The feelgood factor from having nice words from others lasts about as long as my cup of tea stays hot. Which is not very long, given that I drink a lot of cold tea.

So, now it's your turn. How would you sum me up in one word? Bit of a tall order, that one, given that I can't do it. But still - come up with that word and leave a comment below. And I promise - I'll try to make the feelgood factor last beyond my next cuppa.

As this is a meme, it is only right and proper I wave my tagging wand over a few other lovely bloggers to take it forward to have people say nice things about them too. They are:

Sarah from Happy Mum, Happy Child, Happy Life!
Sharron from Chocolate Is Therapy
Jane from Never Plain Jane
Deb from One Rubber Band
Sally from Who's the Mummy?
and Garry from The Blog Up North

(The badge code can be grabbed from Michelle's original post)

Onwards and upwards, folks. Don't forget to get to it in the comments below. Do your worst, eh?

Fill in the blanks

A couple of lovely bloggers tagged me in this meme called Fill in the Blanks. All you do is.... fill in the blanks. Doh! Sounds easy, doesn't it? Then I read their posts in detail. First was Clare at A Slice of Life who wrote an immensely brave and candid post about some of the struggles she has faced. Then, my dear friend Garry from Blog Up North wrote an honest and analytical post about how he sees himself and his character. Gulp. Realising this is more introspective than it looks, I'd been giving some thought to this for a while so here goes...

Photo credit: Ale Paiva

I am ..... a kaleidoscope. I gave this a lot of thought and realised I am or I have been many, many things. I was the career woman, now I am mother, blogger, housewife, volunteer and governor (elect, I haven't done anything yet). A kaleidoscope describes me because even in my working life, I had to adapt pretty quickly, having being dropped in the deep end a lot and it mostly turned out well. So, like a kaleidoscope, turn me and I'll change, the pieces will shift around and fall into a new pattern, hopefully as good as the last one.

The bravest thing I’ve ever done… is a toughie. I don't think of anything I've done is particularly brave. I once helped "save" a woman who had taken an overdose along with my ex but she flagged us to stop as we were driving through the New Forest but that's not particularly brave, we just took her to a police station. I've never been a great flyer and yet, I still get on planes because I know I have to do it if I want to see the world, and I am a lot better now at flying. People thought I was "brave" when I had a massive post-partum haemorrhage after Missy Woo was born but to be honest, I did nothing (except bleed, of course) and it was dealt with pretty calmly and professionally by the midwives and doctors. I never really felt any ill-effects nor did I need a blood transfusion - although the midwives failed to believe me and kept testing my iron levels. I've yet to do anything truly brave.

Photo credit: geri jean

I feel prettiest when... I feel confident in my own appearance. Wearing certain clothes always make me feel good about how I look (although I'm not sure the word you could use about me is "pretty") and losing weight to be the size I want to be certainly helps. I do like a good compliment too. Knowing someone else thinks I look good makes a huge difference to how I feel myself. Yes, I'm easily pleased. And I still don't like most photographs taken of me. I'm rarely happy with them. 

Something that keeps me awake at night is… not a lot these days. Insomnia can sometimes keep me awake but only if I go to bed before I feel tired. Generally, I go to bed only when I'm tired and this can be very late into the night, but it does mean I fall asleep quickly. Just occasionally, my head will be buzzing with things I've been doing and plans I'm making which will keep me from falling asleep. But not often.

My favourite meal is... whatever I'm eating today. I love food so choosing one favourite would be really hard. I've eaten some fantastic meals - like half a chicken with half a lobster and rice at the "roof top" restaurant at El Corte Inglés in the middle of Barcelona. Another that sticks in my mind is the first time we had patatas bravas in Valencia. (We'd had them before, just not in Valencia). It had garlic mayonnaise on top of the crispy fried potatoes and was topped with serrano ham. I was in food heaven. And then, there was the 10 course tasting menu I had for my birthday in January. Or the fantastic lunch we had at Parkers Arms on Valentine's Day where I had - amongst other things - a dark chocolate and peanut butter cheesecake, which was utterly divine. Oh, and the Thai Coconut Chicken I have every time I meet my friend for lunch at Moka in Preston. I could have all of those things again. But ask me to choose a total favourite? No way! (I may have gone off on one just then... good job no-one noticed.)

The way to my heart is... by making me laugh, making me feel good about myself and showing me that you care. I guess laughter is linked to feeling good as well, but I am fairly self-critical and don't rate myself highly at many things so having people that make me feel good and who care about me is quite important. Give me those three things with an added dash of respect, throw in the hugs for good measure, and I'll put up with most things.

I would like to be... good at everything I do, and always trying my best. I would like to be more confident, a better mother, a better blogger, slimmer, fitter; you name it, I'd like it. I'd also like to have some of my old life back and be earning more regularly so that I can stop worrying about money and give the children occasional treats without thinking too hard or scraping everything together. Is that too much to ask? 

And now, it's my turn to tag a few bloggers to carry this on and have their own bash at filling in the blanks. 

They are:

Northern Heckler

Nickie at Typecast

Grumpyish Mum

Cass at Surfacing

Sharron at Chocolate is Therapy

If you're not tagged, feel free to tag yourself and link back in the comments.