Catch 22

This post has been brewing within me for a while, but what really prompted me to write was The Writing Workshop on Sleep is For the Weak. I've never yet taken up the challenge of writing to one of Josie's prompts but as I'd been thinking about this for a while, I felt I was ready to have a go this time. I'm worried it might turn into a bit of a rant but I won't know until I try.

I've been looking for a job. A part time one. Apparently, that automatically means I only want a particular type of job. I'd like, if possible, to work from home, as that would give me the greatest flexibility in terms of working hours and anyway, I have pretty much all the right equipment to do so. Apparently, that means that I want to work for a pittance, not get paid for several weeks after the work has been done, have little status or opportunity to network with peers.

That's a fairly cynical view, but honestly - where ARE the proper family-friendly jobs for working parents - you know, the ones that challenge the mind, that stretch the employee and allow them to contribute to the common cause, with decent pay and prospects? It does seem that those that have that sort of job are the ones that were already working for their employer before the arrangement was put in place. They are largely those who have had the law on their side, who have used the legislation on flexible working to negotiate an acceptable arrangement for all.

Even then, that's not easy to do. I was full-time in a job before having Monkey, returned temporarily part-time when pregnant with Missy Woo but when I applied to return part time after maternity leave, I was turned down, despite there being insufficient work for me to keep me occupied for 37 hours a week. I had to take them to a grievance in order to get them to agree to any form of part time working and that was on the basis that they would turn it into a jobshare. The second person to share my job was never actually recruited and I never had too much work! The stress I went through dealing with the grievance was unimaginable  - I can see why some people just won't fight if they get turned down. But at least, the law was on my side.

But I don't work for them any more. If I talk to recruitment agencies, you can hear the incredulity in their voices when I say I want to work part time, preferably from home, like I have just asked for a solid gold laptop and an expense account to rival those enjoyed by MPs until recently.

Is it so bad to want to do something approaching the skillset and brainpower required in my last job as a part time job? After all, you'd think employers would perhaps look at their profit and loss account in the current economic climate and be happy to take on someone skilled and experienced for part of the working week - or even have two people sharing a full-time job. After all, each employee has their own experiences and ideas to contribute, and the more the merrier. If you have 100 staff filling 80 jobs, you have 100 lots of ideas for the cost of 80 people! Surely, that's good financial management. And if some of them work from home, you need less office space, which means further cost savings. Yes, working from home does give you control issues - but I worked 200 miles from my boss for 8 years and probably had the same amount of supervision as a homeworker.

I accept that working in IT does require an element of anti-social working - certain tasks have to be done out of hours to avoid disruption. I accept that customers expect a service in office hours. What I can't accept is that there is no way of making jobs family friendly and flexible for those that want it. I'm sure they'd say the demand is not there for it. But I went to an interview in June for a part time IT role working 20 hours per week. The shortlist was extensive and varied - I saw two other interviewees; both were male, one was young, the other probably close to retirement and they interviewed all day. Now, possibly these people applied for this job because they felt that any job is better than none and needed a job but I don't believe for a minute that employees don't want jobs that offer flexible work.

It seems that I am in a Catch 22. If I want a job I want to do, I need to get full-time work and forget being a parent, something I don't want to do. If I want a flexible job, be that at home or elsewhere - and a job that gives me employee status and regular pay - then the options are limited, the work far less challenging, verging on boring. Something I also don't want to do.

What do you think? Do you work flexibly? If so, what do you do and how did you get the job? Did you apply for that job, or did you negotiate the flexible working with your existing employer? Should there be more jobs that allow flexible working? How can we change attitudes to part-time working and stop seeing part time workers as second class citizens?

Growing up - and moving on...

Missy Woo starts school in September. She keeps thinking she's starting any minute now she's 4. She thought after her birthday, and now because she has her last music group session on Friday and we're potentially going to sports day at school after that, she thinks she's starting school then. I have no doubt that, despite the fact that she'll be one of the youngest in her year group, she's ready for it and will transition fine; which is good because she'll be full time before September is out. My little girl is growing up and moving on. I don't feel sad about that; more pleased for her as she's so excited about it all. When the time comes, I may be a touch emotional about it but I am not anticipating many tears. She virtually kicked me out of the classroom when she went for her settling in session.

Monkey has spent four afternoons in his new class with his new teacher too. I've watched him grow so much this year and I can't believe the progress he's made. His reading is amazingly fluent and he's apparently a "budding mathematician" according to his school report, which was excellent. He's growing up and moving on too.

So where does it leave me? To be honest with you, I don't know. I feel like it is time for me to grow up and move on too, but there is no clear path for me. I don't have my life mapped out for me like a school child. It is what I make of it.

This time of year is no doubt a time when lots of people reflect on this. My life is beginning to feel like I'm growing out of it. I've had a lifestyle based around having babies and pre-school children for the last 5 years and come September, that will be gone. I've had a ball and made lots of new friends, but parts of it are beginning to feel not fit for purpose, as they are part of the life I'm about to leave behind, like I'm shedding a skin or something.

The trouble is, some parts of that skin are shed easily and left behind. Other parts are more difficult to shed. Some of them are and have been major commitments of time and effort. I've given a lot, but got a lot back too as they have been incredibly rewarding and I've been proud of my achievements. However, recently, I've been wondering if it's still for me. The commitments centre around early parenthood and I'm not in that place any more, plus things are going on that have dented my enthusiasm. My annual pep-talk normally buoys my enthusiasm for a good few months; this time, it's all but gone in a few weeks. Others carry on giving their all for years but I am not sure I want to give as much. The problem I have is I know that doing it half-heartedly is a recipe for disaster and anyway, I don't DO that. Unless there is someone for me to give it all to and I walk away fully, I know eventually I'll just do it myself, and that helps no-one. There was no-one before me for a good while and things suffered. I've put a lot of effort into turning that around and got somewhere but I don't feel as enthusiastic about it any more. And there are lots of (more social) aspects that I'd miss - but that's not a reason to stay on, is it?

What I'd like to do is take a step back, and reduce that commitment right down, restricting it to the stuff I know I am best at and therefore I enjoy the most. However, as much as I can set those boundaries, will others respect them - or will I be put in a position where gradually, I end up doing as much as before? Or will it be easier just to walk away totally? And in either case, what else can I do? I would be really interested in your thoughts on this matter. I'm being deliberately obtuse about this because this is me thinking aloud about my future with no hard and fast decisions. I don't want people from those circles to read this blog and get wind of my thinking, though anyone reading this that is really close to me is likely to know exactly what I'm talking about. I'm playing this down in terms of what it is so their interest is not piqued.

As I said above, I'd love your input on my dilemma but also, I'd love you to share any experiences you might have of your moving on stage when your kids were all finally in school. Judging by the fertility rate of the mums in Monkey's class (current tally 1 baby, 2 due in July, 1 due November and twins due Christmas Day), I know that having another baby is one way of approaching it but that's not going to happen to me. 45 really is too late to be starting again. Work is a dilemma too - I need to start earning proper money again soon but at the same time, I don't want to have to use excessive amounts of wrap around care as I'd like to be able to catch up with them at the end of a school day, and the only credible option appears to be to find work in another school. I worked in IT for 22 years until April 2009 but it seems that truly flexible family-friendly options in that line of work are like hens' teeth.

All thoughts will be gratefully received. I have a lot of thinking, soul searching and researching to do over the summer so that come September, I too am ready to start growing up - and moving on.

Image: Gregory Szarkiewicz / FreeDigitalPhotos.net