Still, it doesn't help that her one and only "party" is on a day such as today. Dad is forever in my thoughts, but today makes me think of him even more. And of course, I can't change this. Missy Woo's birthday is only 5 days before his. The two are inextricably linked; such diary clashes are going to happen. I just have to get used to them. I would have preferred not to be doing this today but of the two weekends either side of her birthday, today really was the only day we could hold it.
I never know how to act on days like this. It's an anniversary of sorts, but not. It's a birthday of someone who's no longer on this earth. You can't celebrate that. Or can you? I don't know.
Because I'd rather he was here. Having a day playing with his grandchildren who would be the apple of his eye. Getting grumpy with Mum for organising him when he doesn't want to be. Enjoying a pint (probably down the Legion, as it is a Sunday, although that's gone too - it burnt down a few years back and they've yet to rebuild). And of course, the British Grand Prix is on! He preferred vintage cars but he would have loved it falling on his birthday.
Ah, Dad. You are never far away from my thoughts but today, more so than most days. I'll have some cake for you. (Such hardship!) I may not give the impression of caring sometimes but I do mark today. Even if only in my head because the children don't fully understand about you and I can't spoil Missy Woo's day.
Happy birthday, Dad. I miss you.